Venting I tried so hard to make it. I'm beginning to plan my end.

[Horrors Lazuli]

My living circumstances have become more and more dire. Around two months ago I was kicked out of my grandparents' house, whom I had been living with for almost five years. The circumstances that led to this don't matter. What matters is the finality of my situation. They kicked me out knowing the only place I would end up is at my abusive dad's. This is where I've been living for the last two-odd months. My dad decided not to renew the lease on this house in order to get rid of me and I have reached my limit. I failed at everything. I haven't finished college, I live with cerebral palsy, I have bipolar disorder, and I am entirely out of hope. I've tried so hard to make it in this world and keep getting knocked down and I've had it. I want to end it.

I have tried everything. I applied for disability --the process can take up to to six months; not a real option--, gotten food stamps (no real help), and work a minimal six-hour-a-week job. I'm tired. I don't want to spend the very little energy I have working. I don't want to suffer and I don't want to keep exerting myself in aimless "effort." Fuck effort. The only way to succeed is to have the stamina. I don't. I want out.

What saddens me most is that for the first time in my life I have friends and people around me who are wonderful and exactly what I ever hoped to have. But they can't help with what I need: a place to live.

I have some money saved and I'm going to use it to CTB my own way. I envision myself renting a cabin in the woods and checking out of this world and of this life. I want to go in my sleep, take an eternal nap and leave. I am looking for help from anyone who might advise me to obtain a method. I prefer morphine, fentanyl, anything that will drown out the sorrow and the pain.

Sorry, therapist. Sorry, psychiatrist. Sorry, best friend. I can't do this anymore.

Please, please, someone help me. I can't anymore.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you're struggling. I hope you find peace. You can get M30 tablets on alphabay or other dark net markets. Have you thought about SN? It's not the nicest way to go but it's tolerable and easyish to obtain the components with help from here. I think morphine is harder to get

 

[anxiety cat]

Your story truly breaks my heart. I am so sorry life has been so awful to you. No offense but your father is a piece of shit for abandoning you like that. I'm so sorry

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you have suffered so much in life. It's such a cruel existence that drives people to this point. I hope that you find freedom from what you are going through.

 

[Horrors Lazuli]

Your story truly breaks my heart. I am so sorry life has been so awful to you. No offense but your father is a piece of shit for abandoning you like that. I'm so sorry

There's no question about it.

It sounds like you have suffered so much in life. It's such a cruel existence that drives people to this point. I hope that you find freedom from what you are going through.

Me too, thank you.