I thought it was getting better but it only got worse

[LittleMagician]

I just moved into a new house that my parents worked so hard on and I feel ungrateful but the whole situation just made me wanna die I just wanna go back to my grandmas house I hate waking up in this bed because the light from the window flash bangs me in the face and my bodily functions are too much for me to handle I just wanna ctb so badly this is literally torture ik it may seem like im overreacting but physically living in this body is too painful im hyper sensitive to every fucking thing because im autistic and its just fucking up my life so badly I just can't fucking do this and im having a panic attack and ik my dad won't understand doesn't fucking matter because he's sleeping anyway and my mum is nowhere to be found and my boyfriend is sleeping when I just want him and I just want this fucking room to have black fucking curtains why is it so bright and why is my body constipated and feel so heavy and why do I just wanna ctb when nothing that bad is going on I JUST CANNOT COPE I WISH I WASNT BORN WHY DID MY MUM BRING ME ON THIS EARTH

 

[Average Joe]

I just moved into a new house that my parents worked so hard on and I feel ungrateful but the whole situation just made me wanna die I just wanna go back to my grandmas house I hate waking up in this bed because the light from the window flash bangs me in the face and my bodily functions are too much for me to handle I just wanna ctb so badly this is literally torture ik it may seem like im overreacting but physically living in this body is too painful im hyper sensitive to every fucking thing because im autistic and its just fucking up my life so badly I just can't fucking do this and im having a panic attack and ik my dad won't understand doesn't fucking matter because he's sleeping anyway and my mum is nowhere to be found and my boyfriend is sleeping when I just want him and I just want this fucking room to have black fucking curtains why is it so bright and why is my body constipated and feel so heavy and why do I just wanna ctb when nothing that bad is going on I JUST CANNOT COPE I WISH I WASNT BORN WHY DID MY MUM BRING ME ON THIS EARTH

I'm so sorry. I don't have autism, but I can feel the pain and frustration in this message. I doubt it makes any difference, but I don't think you're ungrateful.
I don't really know your situation but because I've had suicidal ideation for years, when I have the slightest issue my brain defaults to suicide even as you said "when nothing that bad is going on".

Is it possible to get some blackout curtains on Amazon or somewhere?

 

[Pale_Rider]

I have the solution to this: pancakes!

 

[LittleMagician]

I'm so sorry. I don't have autism, but I can feel the pain and frustration in this message. I doubt it makes any difference, but I don't think you're ungrateful.
I don't really know your situation but because I've had suicidal ideation for years, when I have the slightest issue my brain defaults to suicide even as you said "when nothing that bad is going on".

Is it possible to get some blackout curtains on Amazon or somewhere?

Yes but idk how to assemble it so ill have to ask my parents tysm for the support ur lovely

I have the solution to this: pancakes!

sadly pancakes gonna make me even more constipated :( but damn I want some rn..