If i had a time machine.....

[Sleepycat]

Id go back to when my mom was pregnant with me and id stomp her stomach in or push her down the stairs. Or go to the hospital directly after im born and throw my infant carcass off the fucking roof. Suffocate it with a fucking pillow. Anything but force me to live it all through. Worthless petty human exhistence.

At this point i should just stop trying to fight the fact that ive always hated human exhistence and anytime it seems not so bad. Its just lies and its always worse than it fucking looks.

 

[FF777]

great scott that's a pretty violent way to abort your self..

if i used a time machine i'd probably tell my mom to marry a different man so my parents wouldn't divorce when i'm 1.5 years old and i wouldn't have a dad that doesn't really care to see me that often..

being human on this planet IS a pretty harrowing experience.. i'm not ready to die quite yet but i'll be glad when it's over, and i am NOT incarnating again; worst mistake of my life..

 

[Sleepycat]

great scott that's a pretty violent way to abort your self..

if i used a time machine i'd probably tell my mom to marry a different man so my parents wouldn't divorce when i'm 1.5 years old and i wouldn't have a dad that doesn't really care to see me that often..

being human on this planet IS a pretty harrowing experience.. i'm not ready to die quite yet but i'll be glad when it's over, and i am NOT incarnating again; worst mistake of my life..

Unfortunately thats where some of my rage stems, my inability to end myself and the cowardice that finds me in every attempt.... but in my imagination i have the ability to ignore the fear and just kill baby me.

 

[plskilme]

If I had one, I would tell my younger self to never play baseball. Its what caused me to have seizures (because I got hit in the head with a baseball), and is ultimately what fucked up my life. My og plan was to join the military out of high school, do 4 years, then move on with my life.
How shit ended up: went to college because family told me I had to. Graduated with a 4.0 GPA, with a bachelor's degree in cyber security. (Thankfully with 0 college debt) Can't find a job in that field because, "MuH AI wIlL tAkE cArE oF tHiNgS." Now I'm stuck working a dead end job at a restaurant I fucking hate while hardly making enough money to move out on my own. I also get constantly compared to my younger sister who's a year younger than me, not neurodivergent like I am, and more successful than me and is living in a big city in a high rise apartment. If God has a plan for me, like I keep hearing from people it better happen soon. I can't stand this cruel world anymore.

Edit: I forgot to mention that my seizures were on the part of the brain thats responsible for short term memory, so I can hardly remember to do basic shit day to day. E.g. some days my alarm will go off to take my seizure meds. I sometimes forget that and just turn off the alarm anyways. I'll also have to read a set of instructions like 6 times while doing a basic task that I've only done a few times in my life or haven't done at all, before I get it. It fucking sucks ass. My long term memory is super good though, I can remember events from 20+ years ago picture perfect as if they happened yesterday. A memory won't come back to me until a month or two after it happened... it fucking sucks. Can't even remember yesterday or last week, but can remember last month stupid well...

 

[FF777]

Can't even remember yesterday or last week

if it helps at all, i don't think most people can even remember yesterday or last week very well either, including me..

 

[plskilme]

if it helps at all, i don't think most people can even remember yesterday or last week very well either, including me..

Literally the other day I went to bed at around midnight, and my body decided to wake my ass up at 7 AM and I deadass thought it was still the previous day and I had just napped... I dont think thats normal.