sleazyyyy
Warmer when the kitsch of rot hits the stomach
- May 10, 2026
- 39
I'm writing this and I haven't really posted anything personal for a while. For months, I actually did everything to get my life back on track. I felt hopeful that things will change. Things changed but sadly, I really don't think I can take more of this misery. I tried everything. I now have a job that gets me on my feet and out of the house. I exercise. I went back on track with my old hobbies. The thing is, there's something wrong with me. Every waking moment of my life I am in agony and I wish for death. I keep myself busy to stifle the thoughts but when the silence creeps in, I sit through the discomfort with no one and nothing to help.
I'm only giving myself three months now, until November. I will embrace this agony for three months more and prepare everything I need. SN is the easiest route for me and it's more accessible now that I am able to save money.
I don't have anyone to talk to about my feelings. I have no friends. I don't have a family that will listen to me. I truly have no one and I feel so scared and hopeless and isolated. I wanted to turn my life around, I really do. I wanted to be better and be happier and be in love with living but there's this pit in my stomach that refuses to go away even with my best effort. I wanted to live but I don't think I can. I tried but there's nothing in this world for me.
I feel sorry for my body for the amount of crap I put it through. For the amount of pain I caused it because I am sad and miserable. I feel absolutely sorry because I will have to kill it because I just can't take it anymore when all it did is be with me and keep me alive even when all I wanted is to give up. I pity this body of mine because it doesn't deserve what I will put it through one last time.
I'm only giving myself three months now, until November. I will embrace this agony for three months more and prepare everything I need. SN is the easiest route for me and it's more accessible now that I am able to save money.
I don't have anyone to talk to about my feelings. I have no friends. I don't have a family that will listen to me. I truly have no one and I feel so scared and hopeless and isolated. I wanted to turn my life around, I really do. I wanted to be better and be happier and be in love with living but there's this pit in my stomach that refuses to go away even with my best effort. I wanted to live but I don't think I can. I tried but there's nothing in this world for me.
I feel sorry for my body for the amount of crap I put it through. For the amount of pain I caused it because I am sad and miserable. I feel absolutely sorry because I will have to kill it because I just can't take it anymore when all it did is be with me and keep me alive even when all I wanted is to give up. I pity this body of mine because it doesn't deserve what I will put it through one last time.
