I think I'm close to being ready

[radiostrap]

Hi all,

First time posting a thread, replied to a few yesterday.

Found this site only yesterday tbh. Had suicidal thoughts for a long time, since around 13 ish. I'm 29 now. Comes and goes but has always been there.

After reading up on things a bit I think I'm fairly close to being ready. I'll hang, at home. That's what I've decided.

Just wondered about people's thoughts? Maybe just a chat if anyone fancied it?

Not feeling overly scared or concerned about it. Not even feeling super down today. I have good days and bad days but it feels like I'm sort of coming to terms with it and accepting it?

I don't even really know why I'm writing this but that's just how I'm feeling right now.

 

[NeverSatisfied]

I go in and out of this feeling often from being absolutely ready to kinda scared. I've had intrusive thoughts about killing myself or hurting myself real bad since I was a kid though. I kinda hope I get to that point where I just it. I've never felt sad or scared when like that, everything actually seems like it starts to make since and I feel "normal," I felt very at ease when I attempted as a kid.

It sounds like you feel the same? Have the years seemed long to you until you knew you were pretty much ready to go?

 

[radiostrap]

Wow we do seem kind of similar from what you have said. I don't know your story as well as you don't know mine I guess but yes feeling is similar.

Just feel like I've decided, regardless of good or bad times I know I'll do it soon ish at some point. Will find the right moment I guess. It's defo coming

 

[NeverSatisfied]

I think it's so calming. I got my ticket and have felt pretty at ease ever since. I like knowing I can just go at any time. I think it's weird that were conditioned to think we all MUST live because we're alive. I think wanting to die is just as justifiable. Not even a "I hate life" kinda way (though sometimes I do), I just feel like I don't need to be here. Living is not a calling of mine. And I'm just gonna wanna be dead until i die anyways. Idk whether that calm is calm or me dissociating though. You know?

I go in and out of accepting it but I'd rather not live too much longer. Is there something that gets you closer and closer to being there or is it just years of feeling this way.

Bruh, if suicide was socially acceptable, I feel like that'd be half the battle itself for me. I'm literally not living for me at this point.

 

[radiostrap]

I very much concur. It's the person's choice every time.

Unpopular opinion but if suicide isn't socially acceptable fuck it? Do it anyway? For me that's my opinion.

I believe it's the person's choice, reasons being correct/incorrect etc etc. It's still that person's choice, it's their life. To end or continue, it's that person's life.

Wtf they gonna do anyway when you're gone.

I understand it will cause pain for friends/family if that applies. For some people it may not, I feel for those people even moreso.

I've come to the conclusion that you should do you. Be "selfish" (looool) make your decision. I already have. I'm getting on that coach fairly soon.

Do what feels right for you.

 

[iftheworldwasending]

wishing you the absolute best, whatever your decision and outcome are

 

[mustard_glass]

I'm in a similar situation - 29 y/o, suicidal thoughts popped up when I was like 14-15 or whatever. They never go away. I don't think I'll ever be 100% ready, but screw that, the constant overthinking is agonizing, I'm sick of it.

I'm gonna buy my ticket in December and at least try to get out of here. My method is hanging as well. I live alone so no need to worry about getting "saved" and turned into a turnip by those life-worshiping cunts. Whatever happens I hope we'll find peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

I have been suicidal for a large part of my life too, and these thoughts are a part of me and they are unlikely to ever go away. I do not have a date but I will leave when I cannot take anymore. If this is what you decide to do, then I wish you peace.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I hope you find the peace you desire

 

[Apricity]

Same here, I've been miserable but hanging on hoping things would get better. It looks like they won't. I've actually starting feeling impatient for my nitrogen tank to arrive, and keep thinking about hanging. Today, at lunch with my wife, i had an extremely strong desire to get up and walk outside the sandwich shop into the street. I imagined myself getting slammed into and smashing the windshield with my body, and my wife screaming and panicking. I couldn't do it. I don't want her to experience that. I love her so much, even though she hurt me badly.