Venting I shouldn't be alive.

[notevenhere]

this has gone far too long. im 28 years old, disabled, with BPD, other really bad physical conditions. given up on friendships and relationships. my family keels me locked in the house because they're asian and don't understand mental illness. i can't even sell my body anymore for money online selling nudes because i got fat. i want to run away but my mom has the right to throw me back to the shitty mental institution that's worse than jail at how they treat patients.

my best friend is still dead. it's been one year and two months since her death..i have an SN here I acquired around March this year, I opened it and closed the lid back on. I have anti emetics. i still can't do it. it's not because I don't want to.

I don't think I can handle being outside or on my own, I've been having dental problems for weeks and no one will accompany me. no one will let me go. everything is hopeless. I'll never escape my family's abuse and my mind being mean to me.

i feel really hopeless. nobody's coming to save us. it's really just yourself.

my best friend used to say that a lot. now that she's gone i can't see myself getting out of here. and it's my fault my only last long term friend and ex left me. nothing good will happen with me alive. i stopped hanging out with mj internet friends on discord, too.

can anyone talk to me? or somebody to just listen to me without any judgement. or anyone who can relate to this feeling.

 

[acidkitsune23]

I relate :( im listening,, I hope things get better for you i feel the exact same way

 

[pointblank]

I'm down but I don't think I've unlocked yet the privileges to DM people.

 

[acidkitsune23]

can anyone talk to me? or somebody to just listen to me without any judgement. or anyone who can relate to this feeling.

I know im a stranger on the internet, but im here to listen

 

[Unknown21]

Hey sweetie.
Glad you're back, I'm sorry for what you have been going through, I'm here if u need to talk or need any help. I hope you get over it and find your peace whether in life or death

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this alone

I suggest you join one of those online support groups. I'm adopted and can discuss how I feel to anyone, but talking to a group of people with similar situations can be very helpful.

I wish I could help you more but, I can't help myself.

 

[UselessBeing]

I can't relate fully, but I have permanent nerve damage and BPD. I'm 29 always getting trapped in absuvie situations (grew up in it, keep repeating the pattern when I think I'm not lol) where Im stuck inside alone all the time. Or with someone who never acknowledges me unless they need something.
BPD alone is debilitating enough and I'm so fucking sorry it's something you're going through. You deserve so much better than the family you have and better than the cards life has handed you. Even if your mind fights you on believing it, you're worth everything in the world. I truly hope something happens where you can be free and get the assistance and peace you deserve.

 

[foreverlanguish]

I'm sorry this is happening to you... i can relate in that my own family insists in keeping me at home. Your family sounds like they're terrible you can always send a chat to me once my chatting feature is unlocked and I'll be here for you!!

 

[notevenhere]

My mom hit me. I don't know anymore. The guitar I had for 16 years broke. My stepfather hit the drywall next to my room, my brother doesn't want to talk to me. Even then, my mom won't let me go. Why won't my mom let me be free? I am so tired. I just want to escape this abusive household. I ordered another 250 mg of SN. Maybe I can properly kill myself when it arrives. I saved enough anti emetics, I am so lost. I found the love of my life but even he can't save me. Maybe this is the end, I shouldn't have made it to 2025.

What if I escape my parents abuse on January 7, the day they let me out? I have barely 1,000 usd to my name. Nowhere to stay but, hey: I will be free. What do you think? Should I do it? Or should I stay here until I am 30? No one is kind around me. I need to die. I really do. I don't want to. But it is my only choice.