Venting twinless

[sealpopsicles]

even before my twin died I had spent my whole life struggling with suicidality, but it's really at it's end point now. I really can't do it. My only peace was knowing that no matter what I'd turn my head and see them there. But now that's gone. The only memory I have left is their head splattered on the ceiling. How am I supposed to accept that as my lived in reality. I really really can't. I'd rather have no reality at all. I can't even face my family anymore. I can't look them in the eyes. Being in the same house is enough to make me feel sick. The guilt eats me alive every single day. I'm scraping by day to day just waiting until my chance opens itself to me. I hope I can make it as easy as possible. But I know no matter what my decision is the wrong one, it will hurt everyone around me. But I will make this choice either way. In all honesty the only thing stopping me is the heat. I don't want a hot rotted stinking corpse to be my last personal encounter really. It's such a stupid reason. I hate climate change really.

 

[DoomsdayCTB]

I've always wanted to have twin children. I even envy twins as siblings. I imagine this exact scenario is the worst nightmare possible come true for twins. I'm so extremely sorry and sad you have to endure this. As much as it could hurt your family, I think they would understand this unique scenario. I can't imagine. They can't imagine. Do you feel like you can talk to them about these feelings? I wish I had done grief counseling for my parent and I still can... but I definitely think openly talking about death to a professional could be beneficial if you haven't. Maybe even find a group or counselor who specifically deals with twin death. Big hugs to you..

 

[sealpopsicles]

I've always wanted to have twin children. I even envy twins as siblings. I imagine this exact scenario is the worst nightmare possible come true for twins. I'm so extremely sorry and sad you have to endure this. As much as it could hurt your family, I think they would understand this unique scenario. I can't imagine. They can't imagine. Do you feel like you can talk to them about these feelings? I wish I had done grief counseling for my parent and I still can... but I definitely think openly talking about death to a professional could be beneficial if you haven't. Maybe even find a group or counselor who specifically deals with twin death. Big hugs to you..

I think being a twin is both the best and worst thing that ever could have happened to me. it really is a bond that you can't find anywhere else. I've talked here and there with my parents on it, unfortunately they also share in struggles of mental health. my twin happened to be the sunniest if us lol. I have been talking to professionals quite a bit actually !! Despite everything, there is a part of me that's still trying my best. Thank you for your kind words, it really does mean a lot.

 

[DoomsdayCTB]

I think being a twin is both the best and worst thing that ever could have happened to me. it really is a bond that you can't find anywhere else. I've talked here and there with my parents on it, unfortunately they also share in struggles of mental health. my twin happened to be the sunniest if us lol. I have been talking to professionals quite a bit actually !! Despite everything, there is a part of me that's still trying my best. Thank you for your kind words, it really does mean a lot.

oh nooo the sunniest. you know what they say about those people. damn, I'm so so sorry. the grief never goes away, but one thing that helped me is being told you'll have "stories to tell them when you meet again." and I look to little signs that might be them saying 'hi'
take your twin with you, show them a good time for as long as you can. I know it's such a struggle. big virtual hugs. I hope to see you posting as much as you can. your story humbles me.