Venting i relapsed on self harm

[UniqueWorm]

im so mad at myself. i was really trying to ask for help this time but i just couldnt get myself too. Im worried that this means my sucidal thoughts are about to hit there tipping point because in the past thats what it has ment. I know i cant ask for help and im just going to keep hurting myself to distract from flash backs and (what i think is) paranoia.

Im worried that this time will be worse for me. I dont have anything typical to use for self harm due to being under heavy super vison and i know eventually im going to try a self harm method that causes too much damage to get away with no medical care, i already came pretty close today, if i didnt move the icecude when i did i could have seriously injured my arm.
I know eventually ill get caught (if i dont off myself first) and ill lose all the trust ive gained. I know how strict everything is with peolle being worried about sharps, fire, and meds, but if theyre woried about me having salt or ice im afraid of how dehumanizing all the reactrictions will be. i wish i could just reach out before I did stupid shit like this

 

[okuhvtuji]

im so mad at myself. i was really trying to ask for help this time but i just couldnt get myself too. Im worried that this means my sucidal thoughts are about to hit there tipping point because in the past thats what it has ment. I know i cant ask for help and im just going to keep hurting myself to distract from flash backs and (what i think is) paranoia.

Im worried that this time will be worse for me. I dont have anything typical to use for self harm due to being under heavy super vison and i know eventually im going to try a self harm method that causes too much damage to get away with no medical care, i already came pretty close today, if i didnt move the icecude when i did i could have seriously injured my arm.
I know eventually ill get caught (if i dont off myself first) and ill lose all the trust ive gained. I know how strict everything is with peolle being worried about sharps, fire, and meds, but if theyre woried about me having salt or ice im afraid of how dehumanizing all the reactrictions will be. i wish i could just reach out before I did stupid shit like this

You are half-reaching out by posting it here, please reach an emergency number or an hospital, call your doctor, call a person you know and get help! I totally get you, I relapsed in August and I still think I need it as a form of comfort (?), but I'm trying to avoid it now and threw my razor blades away. I have no tips nor suggestions, like I haven't figured it out myself but if you want to talk about it I'm here.

 

[UniqueWorm]

You are half-reaching out by posting it here, please reach an emergency number or an hospital, call your doctor, call a person you know and get help! I totally get you, I relapsed in August and I still think I need it as a form of comfort (?), but I'm trying to avoid it now and threw my razor blades away. I have no tips nor suggestions, like I haven't figured it out myself but if you want to talk about it I'm here.

i have a really hard time being able to ask for help irl even if i write ut down, and knowing ill probably be hospitalized again dosnt motivate me much because i fucking hate psych wards