Venting I ended up self harming again

[trying ungracefully]

It's been a while since I did it but like always it is a crutch that I always go to lean on. I hate cutting so much. My blades are dull and I don't get the depth I want, I ended up getting blood on my white sheet, and it is now there forever. It was on top of other scars so nothing new new but I have an area with layered scars and my skin looks deformed, I don't want that in another place.

I tried breathing exercises but that didn't last long. I would go back to crying right after the breathing was done. I took 3mg of Ativan but that didn't all kick in until after I cut. I wish I took it sooner because I think it would have helped me avoid self harm.

I feel bad because my boyfriend texted me "I hope you're okay" and it was way after the fact and I didn't tell him. I hate when he has to find out, it hurts him so much understandably. I don't want him to find this out but at some point he will because his suspicions get raised when I don't want sex for a while and I won't change in front of him. He doesn't talk about it usually when he sees it but I feel like it is a slight mood killer that we have to get over for a second.

 

[timf]

By hiding things from someone you are in a relationship with, you begin to build a wall of separation. You might try asking him to help you find ways you can take greater control of your environment and thus reduce what might be feeding the feeling to SH.

 

[trying ungracefully]

By hiding things from someone you are in a relationship with, you begin to build a wall of separation. You might try asking him to help you find ways you can take greater control of your environment and thus reduce what might be feeding the feeling to SH.

Yeah I ended up telling him. I told him how I just don't want to avoid the subject anymore. We didn't talk too in depth but at least he knows.