Venting i might not be able to die, i dont know what decision to make

[chiikawalover616]

kind of a vent i guess. even though i promised myself i wouldn't do this

im a professional animator, im making an animated short film on suicide. my plan was to upload it to YouTube, and by this august (before my birthday) id kill myself while im at college. and submit it for a film festival posthumously. I never wanted to live longer than that. I had everything done. I gave away my belongings, I bought the SN and wrote my note.

My only dream/wish before dying was to have people see my film, and appreciate it, and for me to know that I did at least one thing of use in this world. It turns out that the guidelines to submit a film to the festival are that you cannot publish it anywhere before that point. This really hurts me because it was my final wish to experience it being watched so that id be satisfied before dying.

But now im stuck with a fucking internal dilemma where i cant (without regrets) kill myself this August and i might need to wait until February to die. Is it even worth it? Why am i agonising this much over the fact that im basically delaying my suicide date and going through months of hell just so that i can have one experience ticked off on my bucket list. Its such a big dream of mine, to watch a movie I created presented in front of thousands of people.

I'm at a crossroads now, i don't know whether it's worth it. I considered uploading it to youtube and just killing myself. I considered deleting the entire film and killing myself. I was desperate and I didnt have access to the SN last night so i impulsively cut my wrists (i know, i know) very unsuccessfully and not even deep enough to cause death. It hurts so much. The last option is to genuinely Live until february. It's like im being sentenced to living. And the worst part is that it's my own self-imposed dilemma.

It's like everything revolved around that date. I broke up with my boyfriend because I knew i would kill myself on that date. I made so many decisions, and now it doesn't even matter if i don't go through with it. I feel like a failure and i feel like doing nothing. I don't want to get help, I don't want to suffer in this world.I want to fall into a coma until february and not have to do anything until then.

 

[Nothing.]

kind of a vent i guess. even though i promised myself i wouldn't do this

im a professional animator, im making an animated short film on suicide. my plan was to upload it to YouTube, and by this august (before my birthday) id kill myself while im at college. and submit it for a film festival posthumously. I never wanted to live longer than that. I had everything done. I gave away my belongings, I bought the SN and wrote my note.

My only dream/wish before dying was to have people see my film, and appreciate it, and for me to know that I did at least one thing of use in this world. It turns out that the guidelines to submit a film to the festival are that you cannot publish it anywhere before that point. This really hurts me because it was my final wish to experience it being watched so that id be satisfied before dying.

But now im stuck with a fucking internal dilemma where i cant (without regrets) kill myself this August and i might need to wait until February to die. Is it even worth it? Why am i agonising this much over the fact that im basically delaying my suicide date and going through months of hell just so that i can have one experience ticked off on my bucket list. Its such a big dream of mine, to watch a movie I created presented in front of thousands of people.

I'm at a crossroads now, i don't know whether it's worth it. I considered uploading it to youtube and just killing myself. I considered deleting the entire film and killing myself. I was desperate and I didnt have access to the SN last night so i impulsively cut my wrists (i know, i know) very unsuccessfully and not even deep enough to cause death. It hurts so much. The last option is to genuinely Live until february. It's like im being sentenced to living. And the worst part is that it's my own self-imposed dilemma.

It's like everything revolved around that date. I broke up with my boyfriend because I knew i would kill myself on that date. I made so many decisions, and now it doesn't even matter if i don't go through with it. I feel like a failure and i feel like doing nothing. I don't want to get help, I don't want to suffer in this world.I want to fall into a coma until february and not have to do anything until then.

I commented on your other thread where I talked more about the film, so now I wanted to speak to your situation. I know you commented about how many views you have gotten and the new opportunities. Success and money can make life easier, but people who are rich and successful still kill themselves. As your film highlighted people of all walks of life suffer and in different forms. However, I do want to mention these things because it shows how much you can do over AI. Do you think 1.1 Million people would spend their time to watch AI slop? Do you think companies would want to hire AI artists? There is so much backlash on Youtube, in communities, in companied, and so many areas where people don't want AI art. They'll boycott it, call it out, and even work against it such as Tilly, the AI actress.

But on the quality of AI. Has AI ever bled before? Does it know the sensation of you running a razor across your arm? No. It hasn't suffered like you have. It doesn't understand this community. It's too censored to even talk about this community! You do. You understand true suffering, despair, and have an actual connection to the story. Picasso's blue period is widely regarded, because it reflects him and the human connection. The sadness he had gave his work meaning. Yayoi Kusama simple dots represent her mental health struggles and she has now become world renown. These things AI can't replicate. And again it's easy to say that AI can't have the emotions of a human, but that doesn't matter.

Well the quality of your animation also can't be replicated by AI. It can make a plot about suicide, but thinking about the scarves, the red white representing SH, the symbolism and thought that went into the train's transition? Those wouldn't be things AI would ever think about? The dialogue is so much more human then AI could come up with and I've seen what AI can do.

Then with the animation. Is AI ever cut itself before? So could it model after your cuts? I've never seen it generate so much beautiful animation with thought out transitions? It doesn't understand colors, and the emotions displayed on human's faces. And AI generated voices struggle to sound human, let alone try to match the emotions of such a film and moment. Overall AI cannot match you in every part of the film.

Your concerns about climate change are valid and we should be very concerned. There is developing technology to combat it and as someone who has been to very hot areas very frequently, there is ways to get around it in what you do. There is also places you can live where it has less of an impact:

Best Places to Live In a Future Troubled by Climate Change

Where should you live in a future troubled by climate change? Here's what to consider, and the best places to live in 2050 during climate change.

www.liveabout.com

Which regions remain stable & safe from Climate Disasters by 2050? | Marco Morawec

Which regions remain stable & safe from Climate Disasters by 2050? Your Monday Morning question to get goingâ¦. ð³ Hereâs what AI (I used perplexity) gave me back to my question. 1ï¸â£ Scandinavia (Norway, Sweden, Finland, Iceland, and Denmark) â Advantages: Highly stable democracies...

www.linkedin.com

Reports and the future is changing so you can wait to see what it will be like in a decade and see how things are. That applies to AI and climate change. But in regards to AI, you still have a future even if it's doing your own animations so your not relying on some mega-corp.

IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK you can try to start a conversation with me if that you works. Once you post enough then you can unlock private chat and message me through that too.