Venting i love drinking so much

[ihateittoo]

im pretty drunk right now. i just got a fake id and it feels like heaven. drinking just makes me feel so warm inside, something weed hasnt been able to do in a while. i go through phases where i drink a ton for a few weeks before i stop(mostly cause i run out of money). i cant afford to spend all my money on drinks. i hope i dont fall into another situation. but man this fireball has me feeling gooood. the only time i feel alive or happy is when im on something. ill never get sober, this is the only way i can get through the day. i have been trapezing on the tightrope of addiction for a while, still functioning normally in life just always high. i would spend all my days in bed crying without weed. i could not care less if its killing me. sometimes i fantasize about getting lung cancer and then not getting treatment. i think i fantasize a lot about scenarios that involve me being a victim because i love being pitied and seen as a victim. i think i love when people view me as helpless and pathetic. thats embaressing to admit but i think its important to be honest with yourself about your behaviors. i have a lot of bad attention seeking behaviors i need to work on.

 

[LostHighway]

im pretty drunk right now. i just got a fake id and it feels like heaven. drinking just makes me feel so warm inside, something weed hasnt been able to do in a while. i go through phases where i drink a ton for a few weeks before i stop(mostly cause i run out of money). i cant afford to spend all my money on drinks. i hope i dont fall into another situation. but man this fireball has me feeling gooood. the only time i feel alive or happy is when im on something. ill never get sober, this is the only way i can get through the day. i have been trapezing on the tightrope of addiction for a while, still functioning normally in life just always high. i would spend all my days in bed crying without weed. i could not care less if its killing me. sometimes i fantasize about getting lung cancer and then not getting treatment. i think i fantasize a lot about scenarios that involve me being a victim because i love being pitied and seen as a victim. i think i love when people view me as helpless and pathetic. thats embaressing to admit but i think its important to be honest with yourself about your behaviors. i have a lot of bad attention seeking behaviors i need to work on.

Well, at least you admit you need to work on them. if you like playing the victim you will be a victim. Maya Angelou's quote keeps coming to mind: We teach people how to treat us.