I look forward to nothing

[Oblivion Access]

Not even silly "little things" like video games or other media to consume. Not even getting high. It's all just temporary numbness, I go back to being myself at the end. Only thing that never fails to get a smile out of me is the thought of never experiencing anything again. Ah, 2019 me, if only you knew how much worse it can get. Fear of failure is a bitch.

 

[inanimate]

hate not looking forward to or even enjoying getting high too (and all of those things. I think that's the most maddening to me. It's just further proof that we're broken. Even drugs and alcohol don't feel good. I can't even leave the TV on for more than a few seconds before I have to mute or turn it off...so much cringe everywhere, cant' stand it.

 

[Oblivion Access]

hate not looking forward to or even enjoying getting high too (and all of those things. I think that's the most maddening to me. It's just further proof that we're broken. Even drugs and alcohol don't feel good. I can't even leave the TV on for more than a few seconds before I have to mute or turn it off...so much cringe everywhere, cant' stand it.

Yeah that feeling of firing up a game or tv show and a minute in I go "nope. this is doing nothing for me". Not even distraction left, just face to face with absurdity.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

Not even silly "little things" like video games or other media to consume. Not even getting high. It's all just temporary numbness, I go back to being myself at the end. Only thing that never fails to get a smile out of me is the thought of never experiencing anything again. Ah, 2019 me, if only you knew how much worse it can get. Fear of failure is a bitch.

I'm in the same boat as you. I'm scared of failing. Failing in even setting up my attempt. I've set up my attempts so many times all I had to do was drop in the noose wrapped around my neck. I wish I had.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand how you feel, my life is just dread and misery. In my case, the suffering will only end when I die. I only look forward to death, I just want to fall into an eternal dreamless sleep. Fear of failure is also one of the things that holds me back from ctb, I wish I could exit this world in a reliable and peaceful way. I wish you the best.

 

[Rational man]

We all become NOTHINGNESS in the end because everyone dies. Everything we did and everyone knew is gone. Its. guaranteed. Many people fear death because they can't contemplate the thought of losing ' loved ones' and becoming detached from possessions. But it all goes eventually.

 

[inanimate]

Many people fear death because they can't contemplate the thought of losing ' loved ones' and becoming detached from possessions. But it all goes eventually.

I haven't had someone to miss in so long. I can't remember even thinking about missing ________ as a reason to stay here.

 

[thisplaceisaprison]

I haven't smoked weed in months and tried to smoke a few days out of the past couple weeks with a friend and no high really whatsoever.. and we did it with molly which I hasn't done in years