luna666
IBS/Depression/Anxiety/Panic Attacks
- Apr 24, 2019
- 50
Hey everyone!
Sorry for another venting post but I feel free to share this type of personal thoughts here.
I'm not searching for answers, it's only something that I need to take out of my chest.
Well, the thing about wanting to ctb because of chronic diseases, health issues, mental health problems and other things is that I can't blame anyone but myself for this and then this guilty feeling keep lurking inside me all the time.
I hate that I'm living with my family and have nowhere to go to ctb. I hate that I can't book a hotel because they would know that something is not right because I've always stayed at home and have no friends, job or excuses to leave without proving that I'm not lying, I hate that there's no forests or open fields that I can go.
That's why I keep trying to find the perfect situation to do it inside my home when no one is here, but at the same time I hate that they'll find a dead body.
I've been waiting for my family to sell the house so they won't have to live in a place with a bad memory, but let's be honest, the perfect situation will never exist but at the same time I can't go on anymore.
10 years of doctors visits, and my health is only getting worse, my future only getting darker, the opportunities vanished in front of me, my friends left me a long time ago, I feel like a wall inside this home.
I'm ready to ctb, but I wish they didn't had to find me before the police did. I hate this feeling.
Sorry for another venting post but I feel free to share this type of personal thoughts here.
I'm not searching for answers, it's only something that I need to take out of my chest.
Well, the thing about wanting to ctb because of chronic diseases, health issues, mental health problems and other things is that I can't blame anyone but myself for this and then this guilty feeling keep lurking inside me all the time.
I hate that I'm living with my family and have nowhere to go to ctb. I hate that I can't book a hotel because they would know that something is not right because I've always stayed at home and have no friends, job or excuses to leave without proving that I'm not lying, I hate that there's no forests or open fields that I can go.
That's why I keep trying to find the perfect situation to do it inside my home when no one is here, but at the same time I hate that they'll find a dead body.
I've been waiting for my family to sell the house so they won't have to live in a place with a bad memory, but let's be honest, the perfect situation will never exist but at the same time I can't go on anymore.
10 years of doctors visits, and my health is only getting worse, my future only getting darker, the opportunities vanished in front of me, my friends left me a long time ago, I feel like a wall inside this home.
I'm ready to ctb, but I wish they didn't had to find me before the police did. I hate this feeling.
