trying ungracefully
Experienced
- Jun 11, 2025
- 236
It can be over shit so small like right now. I'm tired of wanting to self harm over things that are going to pass by the end of the day most likely. I'm trying to get it to pass but my mind is so set on it. I'm waiting for my mom to get out of the bathroom to get bandaids.
The waiting may help because I took my PRN that kicks in pretty fast for me. I just want my mind to get off this and for the future too without medication. I've been self harming for so long and I feel like I'm going to be one of those people that just keep going back to it. I know people overcome it but it's been 10 years so far of me doing it, stopping it, and going back to it. I don't do it as bad as when I was a kid though because now I don't want to use all the bandaids and have her know at some point when she goes for one.
I tried to help myself by giving my mom the 100 blades I got from a shaving kit and I did think I'd use it for its purpose. But I saved 2 and have had them saved to self harm and thank god I got a shot tetanus shot two years ago fr because it's been a long time since those were changed. And no blood has gotten on them but still. I don't want to be risking my health like this and I know this logically but when it's on my mind logic goes away.
But I think writing this helped. It took me a bit and my medication has kicked in. It will probably be harder when I'm not distracted but at least this helped in the meantime. The thought isn't that strong anymore :)
The waiting may help because I took my PRN that kicks in pretty fast for me. I just want my mind to get off this and for the future too without medication. I've been self harming for so long and I feel like I'm going to be one of those people that just keep going back to it. I know people overcome it but it's been 10 years so far of me doing it, stopping it, and going back to it. I don't do it as bad as when I was a kid though because now I don't want to use all the bandaids and have her know at some point when she goes for one.
I tried to help myself by giving my mom the 100 blades I got from a shaving kit and I did think I'd use it for its purpose. But I saved 2 and have had them saved to self harm and thank god I got a shot tetanus shot two years ago fr because it's been a long time since those were changed. And no blood has gotten on them but still. I don't want to be risking my health like this and I know this logically but when it's on my mind logic goes away.
But I think writing this helped. It took me a bit and my medication has kicked in. It will probably be harder when I'm not distracted but at least this helped in the meantime. The thought isn't that strong anymore :)
