Venting i hate mental health services

[Awesomefoid67]

i really like wanna get better tbh (mostly for the guy i like lol and i also just hate feeling like this) i'm trying like all the official channels and theres always problems. i even like voluntarily admitted myself to the psych ward (well technically not a thing its informal admission but yknow) and they gave me meds which kinda helped for a bit but it feels like they dont do much anymore (though im scared to stop them incase they are doing something and i'd be like 20x worse without them) but they were also fucking awful in every other regard, like they forced me out my room with no warning to have someone change some of the furniture and like im autistic so change is very distressing unless im like pre warned and have a better idea of whats gonna be changed and how it'll look but they refused to make any accomodations and then they had to restrain me cus i got violent becasuse of that. they said they'd learn but then did it a second time with even less warning and refused to engage with like the autism group thing who help me with alot of stuff, then after getting back from a long home leave after that they moved me to a different room and shoved my stuff in a bin bag in a cupboard and just didnt tell me till i got back.

then i got discharged and the community mental health care is so slow, having to wait like weeks for meds reviews and everything like that. also the consultant stopped giving benzos as prn for like acute distress which i feel is because he also met me when i was using drugs so he's just like prejudged me as an addict looking for pills but like i dont even use drugs anymore, and i try to avoid the benzos as much as possible because like i dont wanna form a dependence or tolerance or get rebound anxiety or anything. sometimes i do really want to abuse them but i stop myself because if i did that i wouldnt have any when i needed them. we've resorted to getting them off of dnms for now until it gets resolved but it's all really frustrating, i already don't really trust medical professionals especially mental health ones, and this just like further cements it.

luckily i have the support of a few good groups/people who are organising a ctr or crt whatever its called to like have a review of everything so hopefully that goes well and i'm like with the complex emotional needs team but i dont think they can go against the consultant (hoping to get a different one) and neither can crisis so idfk. it's kinda hard to remain hopeful when every time i try it's just stuff like this, it feels like idk they either don't actually care or just dont believe/understand me. i'm gonna keep trying but it's hard and like i have no prn rn cus the stuff we ordered hasnt arrived so i basically have to resort to self harm (which doesnt really work most of the time anymore) and/or getting blind drunk whenever im in distress to stop me from ending my life which is not really good for my health or my diet (especially because i end up drinking over my calorie limit) and the hangovers are fucking awful. today i woke up and like my entire body was hurting and my heart was very fast so i had to drink a fuckton of electrolytes to get it to calm down and tbh my body still hurts but i feel a bit better but like idfk. i've tried like basically all the reccomended methods like breathing techniques and stuff and they either do nothing or i'm in too much distress to actually do them like i just kinda freeze and can't do anything or it's too strong for me to be able to focus on anything else. i guess we'll see how the review thing goes whenever it happens (approximate date was like in a week or two from now iirc but it could take longer they have to like find the people for the panel) i really hope it goes well but im not expecting it to honestly with like all my past experiences with mental health professionals.

 

[AgathaChristieLover]

Honestly I'm distrustful of psychology in general, and not just cause one of my therapists was a pedophile. It feels like they just rattle of cliches to you, My first therapist basically only spoke in "let's unpack that" and "did you do the five things you can see technique" Plus my meds don't help at all

 

[Awesomefoid67]

Honestly I'm distrustful of psychology in general, and not just cause one of my therapists was a pedophile. It feels like they just rattle of cliches to you, My first therapist basically only spoke in "let's unpack that" and "did you do the five things you can see technique" Plus my meds don't help at all

i'm kinda expecting that type of thing tbh but the worst bit from my other experiences with stuff like this is how they just sit there saying nothing and expect you to start it or just jump right in or whatever because like i can't start it off, and alot of the times they just ask a question and its not like precise enough or i don't know the answer or can't say anything and they just sit there silently or change the topic instead of trying to like ask more questions to let me answer them better. that or they'll just be like "try this thing" and i say that ive tried it and it doesnt work or i know it's not gonna work because i understand my problems and that kind of solution isnt fit for them and i know like my brain would be resistant to it. like even though i have no control over my brain i pretty much understand how it works tbh

idk the people from the team seemed pretty nice so like we'll wait and see. i really hope i can get atleast some help but idk i think alot of it is designed for like people with different issues or less understanding of their issues or like non autistic people (which is probably the biggest issue tbh)

 

[Ganymede]

A thing I've noticed with most psychologists is that they lack compassion. To them treating people is merely a job, so they just do the bare minimum, which obviously is not nearly enough. Some of them are actually good at what they do, but they're rare. Hopefully you find a professional that's able to help you.

 

[Awesomefoid67]

A thing I've noticed with most psychologists is that they lack compassion. To them treating people is merely a job, so they just do the bare minimum, which obviously is not nearly enough. Some of them are actually good at what they do, but they're rare. Hopefully you find a professional that's able to help you.

yeah thats the feeling i get too like i just want someone who actually cares and listens and makes an attempt to understand me and doesnt just treat me as like another patient to get through as if they were like a cashier at mcdonalds getting through orders yknow

 

[meowpuppy]

really relatable, i don't think i'll ever get help within the mh industry

 

[Awesomefoid67]

really relatable, i don't think i'll ever get help within the mh industry

honestly i have no hope of it either but like idk this is my like last ditch attempt idk what im gonna do if this doesnt work so i really want it to

 

[meowpuppy]

honestly i have no hope of it either but like idk this is my like last ditch attempt idk what im gonna do if this doesnt work so i really want it to

i have an alternative.. it's called suicide.. that's the only alternative i see.

 

[Cloud Busting]

I haven't read this. I'm just going to say it's hard to get help. I believe there has been an overcorrection of the "therapy is for the weak and crazies" stigma that has turned into it's own stigma since its now considered being negative or discouraging people to get help when they need it if you openly struggle or want alternatives or a break or criticize holes in the system and establishment…

Getting help is so hard and such a pain in the ass unless you're rich. We never talk about this of course… and ppl deny the reality with "help is out there" mythos… like the amount of work it takes is difficult! Stop shaming people for "not doing the work" and instead acknowledge how difficult and grueling it is to do and work to help take the load off…

Also if you love therapy and can't wait for each session someone struggling with therapy or having bad experiences doesn't undermine yours. It's not a competition.

Idk maybe I'll share you my very long and arduous journey later tonight if you'd like. Stay tuned. ^^

 

[Awesomefoid67]

i have an alternative.. it's called suicide.. that's the only alternative i see.

tbh idk what else i have other than that if this doesnt work out lmao i really hope it doesnt come to that but like

 

[RawRX3]

Very sadge how much you have push through to get help and that you've ran into a lot of seemingly unprepared therapist T_T

Super support <3 Hope things start to pay off in the ways you need and deserve >_<

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I'm really sorry you've been dealing with so many bad experiences, it's possible that you have some kind of flag in your medical records, due to your past history of drug use, that are making them discriminate against you when it comes to prescribing certain things like benzos and classifying you as drug seeking. I'm not sure if you can find out that information from a SAR, but it's worth trying to see what's going on with your medical records, especially if you seek assistance from private consultants in the future and want to share any records with them.

Unfortunately, there is a huge crusade against addictive medications in the UK atm, even if you are not wanting them regularly. I have awful PTSD, and I requested PRN benzos as well a few years ago, with no intention for daily use. I was allowed one pill for a MRI scan, and GPs are not even allowed prescribe that anymore, that's how ridiculous they are getting with the prescribing guidelines.

Granted, it was a private doctor who went off at me like this, but I was told that I shouldn't be using medication as a "crutch" and that I should be made to do exposure (I have, it hasn't helped me) and that I should be using dilators and toys at home to make myself "accept penetration" and quit being traumatized, because I "need to marry and have kids one day". I couldn't believe what I was hearing, that such a highly regarded consultant could be so callous and ignorant of what I have been through in regards to sexual abuse. But unfortunately, there is WAY too much ignorance around mental health issues in the UK in general, especially autism and trauma related concerns.

I feel your pain, because benzos are the only thing that have helped me during very acute episodes of distress caused by trauma. I've had no problem getting them prescribed to me in any country except the UK, so I think there is just a very heavy disdain for them. If the consultant abruptly is cutting off your medication though, they should be expected to put something else into place. Leaving someone with nothing is absurdly cruel.

 

[Awesomefoid67]

I'm really sorry you've been dealing with so many bad experiences, it's possible that you have some kind of flag in your medical records, due to your past history of drug use, that are making them discriminate against you when it comes to prescribing certain things like benzos and classifying you as drug seeking. I'm not sure if you can find out that information from a SAR, but it's worth trying to see what's going on with your medical records, especially if you seek assistance from private consultants in the future and want to share any records with them.

Unfortunately, there is a huge crusade against addictive medications in the UK atm, even if you are not wanting them regularly. I have awful PTSD, and I requested PRN benzos as well a few years ago, with no intention for daily use. I was allowed one pill for a MRI scan, and GPs are not even allowed prescribe that anymore, that's how ridiculous they are getting with the prescribing guidelines.

Granted, it was a private doctor who went off at me like this, but I was told that I shouldn't be using medication as a "crutch" and that I should be made to do exposure (I have, it hasn't helped me) and that I should be using dilators and toys at home to make myself "accept penetration" and quit being traumatized, because I "need to marry and have kids one day". I couldn't believe what I was hearing, that such a highly regarded consultant could be so callous and ignorant of what I have been through in regards to sexual abuse. But unfortunately, there is WAY too much ignorance around mental health issues in the UK in general, especially autism and trauma related concerns.

I feel your pain, because benzos are the only thing that have helped me during very acute episodes of distress caused by trauma. I've had no problem getting them prescribed to me in any country except the UK, so I think there is just a very heavy disdain for them. If the consultant abruptly is cutting off your medication though, they should be expected to put something else into place. Leaving someone with nothing is absurdly cruel.

jesus christ what the fuck

also yeah i got told "it's the behaviour that needs to change" or something but idk how they expect me to do that when that takes a long time and i need something in the mean time
idk if theres a note though cus like for one this guy specifically already knew that about me and i got them as prn in the ward and from crisis a few times idk