Venting I fucked up.

[highlyvolatile]

You know how they say be careful what you wish for? In my case its be careful what you ask for. I'd wanted closure and I definitely got it. In the same hour I'd severed the connection with the person i'd loved most and fucked myself over hard. I am uncesessarily hard on myself. I have always been this way for as long as ive been alive. I have always been insecure as well. But today I'd fucked up. I got my closure but asked for more truth and I got it. If anyone wants more detail id be willing to talk about it more in PMs. But he called me toxic. He called me manipulative. I was just trying to let him know that I didnt have long left and really wanted to talk and be ooen about things. I'd said that if I died they wouldnt have to be there. I was the asshole for that. But I have been the asshole for a lot of the relationship. They were right to leave me. Im a terrible awful toxic
manipulative person and no one should ever be with me. I talked to my close friend and she said maybe it just wasnt the right time. But i tend to ruin things time and time again whether it be with my depression overactive mind or suicidal ideation. I just wont stop. And I only end up hurting myself and others. And today I pushed away someone I loved dearly but who probably never gave a shit about me anyways. I am sorry I ruin things. I am sorry I am awful.

I'd already left a lot of my social medias today. Its some I hadnt quite left yet... But in due time I will. If anyone is available to talk please PM me. I feel so incredibly shitty and if i died this very moment id be full deserving of everything coming to me.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Girrrrlllll, Just pm'd u...

 

[Anon2662]

Pm sent

 

[Pinkdonut]

"But i tend to ruin things time and time again whether it be with my depression overactive mind or suicidal ideation. I just wont stop"

I just wanted to give my opinion on what you just said there... It's easier said than done, but don't be so hard on yourself, these (depression, overactive mind, suicidal ideation) are totally out of your control, it's not a choice your making... Does that make sense

 

[the_inbetween]

Dude, relatable. I can talk but I am not a very empathetic person.

 

[highlyvolatile]

"But i tend to ruin things time and time again whether it be with my depression overactive mind or suicidal ideation. I just wont stop"

I just wanted to give my opinion on what you just said there... It's easier said than done, but don't be so hard on yourself, these (depression, overactive mind, suicidal ideation) are totally out of your control, it's not a choice your making... Does that make sense

I'm trying to be less hard on myself. And thank you. I just feel like ive been all over the place and my mind is always in overdrive constantly going never stopping and it does make sense.

Dude, relatable. I can talk but I am not a very empathetic person.

Thank you all the same anyways

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Maybe you could write him a letter expressing how you feel, and explain to him what you were really trying to say.

 

[highlyvolatile]

I

Maybe you could write him a letter expressing how you feel, and explain to him what you were really trying to say.

I'll do that. Thank you.