samishii
What's the point?
- Dec 24, 2021
- 103
A few days ago, I got drunk, really drunk. So I tried to find my carotid artery -I asked about it here immediately after.
after that, I started trembling, which was because it was perhaps a panic attack. the worst one I've ever had. Exponentially worse than my usual ones, and this one lasted for around 30-45 mins. I went to sleep after that. Since then, I am feeling scared as if there's another one waiting to happen at any moment.
After I woke up, my day was just too stressful so I asked my friend if he would like to get drinks with me again that night. I drank a bottle, got slightly drunk and was feeling quite good, talking to my friend. I thought I went to sleep at 1 am.
I woke up yesterday, remembering how good of a time I had last night, met my friend, and then he told me something which left me shocked.
He told me I actually slept at 6am, and I got sobered up by 2 or 3 am, after which I had a mental breakdown. started talking to myself, crying constantly talking about how much I wanted to die, how I think I can do it given my financial condition at the moment. I was talking about how sorry I was about my doings, my actions, the effect of my presence on others lives, how big of a loser I was. he told me I was talking, I was wide awake, but I was not hearing anything he said. As if I had gone insane.
One can think that I was drunk, but I wasn't so drunk to be doing this shit, which my friend agreed to. I've gotten a lot more drunk than this, and have still been in control, which is also something my friends appreciate about me, I have been the one who acts responsible, helping my friends when they are blackout drunk.
The other thing that scares me is that I always remember what I do when I am drunk but this time I had no idea. worst case I don't remember some parts but I as soon as someone says sth about it, I can remember even those parts.
Recently I had a day which I don't remember anything about, and I had been sober for some time around that day. I am scared.
The worst part about this whole story is that I told my friend about my life which was the last thing that I wanted, I told him about my suicidal tendencies, and now he will never see me as the same guy again, he is my best friend, the only one who remotely gives a shit about me.
To anyone who reads through this shitty post of mine, I am grateful to you.
P.S.- I was also surprised by the fact that he stayed with me the whole time while I was making him scared.
after that, I started trembling, which was because it was perhaps a panic attack. the worst one I've ever had. Exponentially worse than my usual ones, and this one lasted for around 30-45 mins. I went to sleep after that. Since then, I am feeling scared as if there's another one waiting to happen at any moment.
After I woke up, my day was just too stressful so I asked my friend if he would like to get drinks with me again that night. I drank a bottle, got slightly drunk and was feeling quite good, talking to my friend. I thought I went to sleep at 1 am.
I woke up yesterday, remembering how good of a time I had last night, met my friend, and then he told me something which left me shocked.
He told me I actually slept at 6am, and I got sobered up by 2 or 3 am, after which I had a mental breakdown. started talking to myself, crying constantly talking about how much I wanted to die, how I think I can do it given my financial condition at the moment. I was talking about how sorry I was about my doings, my actions, the effect of my presence on others lives, how big of a loser I was. he told me I was talking, I was wide awake, but I was not hearing anything he said. As if I had gone insane.
One can think that I was drunk, but I wasn't so drunk to be doing this shit, which my friend agreed to. I've gotten a lot more drunk than this, and have still been in control, which is also something my friends appreciate about me, I have been the one who acts responsible, helping my friends when they are blackout drunk.
The other thing that scares me is that I always remember what I do when I am drunk but this time I had no idea. worst case I don't remember some parts but I as soon as someone says sth about it, I can remember even those parts.
Recently I had a day which I don't remember anything about, and I had been sober for some time around that day. I am scared.
The worst part about this whole story is that I told my friend about my life which was the last thing that I wanted, I told him about my suicidal tendencies, and now he will never see me as the same guy again, he is my best friend, the only one who remotely gives a shit about me.
To anyone who reads through this shitty post of mine, I am grateful to you.
P.S.- I was also surprised by the fact that he stayed with me the whole time while I was making him scared.
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