i finally cut off all my friends

[mirrorman2]

ive been waiting for this since i graduated high school.

ive been running with the same group of guys since elementary school. the last few weeks have just been so toxic. calling each other horrible things, making fun of sensitive shit, just nasty shit. today has been the worst mental health day ive had in a few months and i just decided im done with them. they definitely know about my suicidality and im a little concerned they might send the cops at me. if that happens i dont really know what im going to do, i dont really know if i would have a choice, but that would surely mean institutionalization. this isnt the first time ive cut them off, but its been a few years, and this time its the last time. this is one of the things that ive had to do for a long time.

i feel a little nauseous and the anxiety is just really horrific today. ive been swinging between numbness and rage. i know how to control my anger but anger as it manifests from depression is just a different beast. it just makes me feel so bitter and sarcastic, but only self-directed. my inner voice is quick. my internal monologue is an unending playback of the most cutting self-criticism. i am very good at thinking of the things that make me the most rejected or ashamed in order to keep my mental spiral going.

but this is just one more thing off my checklist. doesn't mean i feel good about it.
this was the bravest thing ive done in a long time.

 

[EmptyBottle]

Glad you disconnected from those ppl. If they are making fun of sensitive stuff, they probably wouldn't call law enforcement imo, if they aren't showing that they care.

Hopefully the next days are better, and yep, it's brave. ^u^

 

[MissWannaLive]

First of all I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!
That was a very brave thing to do but trust me it will be worth it. People like that are not worth your time or attention and even if it can cause a bit of unwanted emotions and harder days believe me when I say that this will have more good to it than bad.
Also don't worry about they calling any kind of police, most people like that wouldn't do it anyway and being afraid because someone knows a bit too much about you is in 99,9% cases never used against you (aside if you were like murderer or something like that but it's a marginal scenario).
For now focus on your mental health and try to not worry. It will be fine and with days you will get over them for good. You had to already endure them for so long, no reason to enduring them even more when it's more draining than rewarding. Hope you will find some better people in your life<333
And keep up the good job you're doing great!!!

 

[Griever]