I feel so horrible

[Supersadmommy90]

I miss this time last year. I was depressed, but I wasn't this depressed. Not by a long stretch. I'm in so much fucking pain that it's unbearable. If this doesn't let up I don't know what I'm going to do. I have to survive this for my kids but I can't. At least I gave them life even if it turns out that I'm not strong enough to stay here for them. I'm in a state of such surreal horror. God have mercy. I'm being tortured.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm right there with you I'm so sorry you're going through all this. Having children ridiculously complicates this process.

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you're suffering.
Do you want to talk about what's happened?

 

[Flippy]

I'm sorry you are feeling worse compared to a year ago. :-( I've definitely been feeling worse more recently too. Has something happened to you to make you feel worse? You mentioned pain, do you mean physical pain? My gf really loves llamas by the way :-)

 

[LMLN]

I'm so sorry for your suffering and torture. We are here to listen if you need to talk. ❤

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering. If you could, would you be able to elaborate on what you are going through and why? We wish you peace though.

 

[Supersadmommy90]

My arm is in terrible pain because of a tetanus shot I received a few days ago which I now regret accepting, I have a phobia of vaccines and I am experiencing terrible anxiety because of this. The pain is worse than I could have imagined. It won't abate, has been making me climb the walls and is reaching a fever pitch.

I bought a shitty rope that is too thin at the store for 2.99, I'm going to try tying it and see if I can work up the nerve to do full suspension tonight, although I'm getting very tired and I'll probably give up.

I'm done guys, if I don't come back by tomorrow consider this my goodbye post, barely have the effort to type this right now.

All of this because I was vaccine raped at a weak point in time. I don't know why this had to happen.

 

[LMLN]

My arm is in terrible pain because of a tetanus shot I received a few days ago which I now regret accepting, I have a phobia of vaccines and I am experiencing terrible anxiety because of this. The pain is worse than I could have imagined. It won't abate, has been making me climb the walls and is reaching a fever pitch.

I bought a shitty rope that is too thin at the store for 2.99, I'm going to try tying it and see if I can work up the nerve to do full suspension tonight, although I'm getting very tired and I'll probably give up.

I'm done guys, if I don't come back by tomorrow consider this my goodbye post, barely have the effort to type this right now.

All of this because I was vaccine raped at a weak point in time. I don't know why this had to happen.

Do you have anything you can take for tonight to relax you? Impulsive ctb is not a good idea. You could end up in worse condition.
Maybe you can rest tonight and see how you feel tomorrow? Is there something that might comfort you for now? We are here for you. ❤

 

[Final Escape]

I wish I'd had my kids bc suicide is indeed easier when u have no kids or spouse. Abortion took them all but I didn't want to be on welfare or in poverty I guess.

 

[Flippy]

Those jabs can be painful, I think it's usually in the muscle so they can be very painful. I've had some bloods taken once, a lot of blood samples in a row and I had a bruise like you wouldn't believe and it really hurt. Have you tried taking some pain killers for it (probably a daft question)? I'm trying hard to think of what might help you :-/ is your arm swollen or anything like that?

 

[Supersadmommy90]

So I called it off for tonight, but not without trying and getting my heart really racing, I can still feel where the rope was tight around my neck, like a touch of rope burn. It feels good in a weird way. I had everything in place and tied to the basement roof beam, I set everything up, I was standing on the stool, which is one of those spin-y stools. As I was letting myself down just to play around with the tightening sensation, the stool unexpectedly started spinning and I almost lost my footing and fell off. I caught my footing before I actually hung but that feeling of losing control in the process scared me and I managed to stop it. Boy did that get the ticker ticking.

Anyway, this was yet another half hearted, impulsive, just desperate attempt at an attempt, it's the end of the day and I'm very tired, and I'm going to sleep on it. I hope the physical pain subsides soon since it is making me crazy.

Thanks for all of your concern and company to those who replied. Better luck next time for sure.

 

[Flippy]

I'm glad that you are ok after you lost your balance :-0 I really hope that your arm will be better after some sleep and tomorrow will be a much better day for you! :-) take care! :-)

 

[Supersadmommy90]

I wish I'd had my kids bc suicide is indeed easier when u have no kids or spouse. Abortion took them all but I didn't want to be on welfare or in poverty I guess.

I'm sorry you aborted all of your kids, I'm seeing so much of that happening and that is like a form of genetic suicide in itself. Abortion and birth control pills are responsible for so, so much involuntary childlessness, so many empty arms and heart break. I have struggled to conceive, and just barely managed to have my kids. I'm emotionally wrecked by infertility. My kids are precious to me. I told them I loved them tonight as if it were going to be the last time. Thankfully it won't be the last time. I'll hang in there for as long as I can for them in any case. I just lose my perspective from the pain, it just overwhelms everything and I can't think about the future or anyone I love, all I can think about is ending the pain.

Those jabs can be painful, I think it's usually in the muscle so they can be very painful. I've had some bloods taken once, a lot of blood samples in a row and I had a bruise like you wouldn't believe and it really hurt. Have you tried taking some pain killers for it (probably a daft question)? I'm trying hard to think of what might help you :-/ is your arm swollen or anything like that?

My husband offered me some T3's, I don't like to take painkillers usually, I'm pretty much phobic of most anything medical or drug related (although I am thinking of SN if I can bring myself to deliberately plan things one of these days.) but the painkillers couldn't be any worse than whatever the fuck I was injected with that is causing so much pain. My arm isn't visibly swollen but it's sore, not just a mild ache, but a very painful, deep, stabbing, burning feeling that flares up and subsides, but hasn't gone away at all. In any case I'll try and sleep it off. Tomorrow it will be day 4 of this nonstop pain. It was slightly less today than the previous 2 days but fucking oof. It just makes me want to die.