I feel so sick mentally

[Butterfly-death]

Just absolutely horrible. I feel so much dread. I want to die so bad. But I'm trapped. Do I just deserve to suffer? I'd give anything to die. It's all I want. I'm going to suffer horribly until I die an awful painful death, aren't I? You know what it doesn't even have to be peaceful at this point just want to die sooner than later. I'm so tired. I cry so often it's embarrassing I nearly breakdown in front of other people.

I genuinely don't know what to do like I'm actually so afraid I'm trembling right now because if I don't get the chance to ctb I don't know what will happen to me because I genuinely have no future I am not good enough for anything and everything is too much for me. I'm trying to accept that I'm gonna suffer until I die but I can't because I'm so afraid of just letting the worst happen to me but maybe that's how it's meant to be that I don't get to ctb and my life just gets worse because I know it won't get better it's been horrible since I was little. I'm in tears and shaking I am so afraid I am more afraid of living than dying

I feel so awful make it stop

 

[korchoi]

I completely understand how you feel. I want to escape this rotten world as soon as possible. I'm afraid of dying, too.