I feel so alone

[crush]

I feel so lonely, I don't have any friends outside of the internet really and I'm drifting away from my few online friends and that's my fault, I'm so awkward and I hate being around people. I'm such a manipulative piece of shit, my boyfriend broke up with me because of that. He says I'm "fucked up in the head" and I shouldn't be in relationships and I'm starting to think that as well. I overthink too much and always feel like I'm annoying everyone nobody likes me and they all hate me. There's no point in living, I stare at a computer all day and starve myself. My life isn't going anywhere and it never will. I want to kill myself I'm just not motivated enough, does anyone have any tips to motivate me to end my life? I just need some help convincing myself, I just want to die so please help me out.

 

[WaterHemlock]

I guess I don't, though what you say feels very familiar to me. I spend a lot of effort trying to connect to others,
I'm mostly always trying to find reasons to stop myself- not the right time, wrong person will find me, something I want to complete...
But for you, what motivates you to do other things? To do a hard task, to get through a hard project at work or school?
I find that, perversely, when I physically feel better, sometimes it's easier to think of ctb.
Things like exercise and vitamin b shots. They make me feel more able to carry out plans.
And I wouldn't trust what POS boyfriend has to say.

 

[chocolatebar]

He says I'm "fucked up in the head" and I shouldn't be in relationships and I'm starting to think that as well.

are you sure that he isn't the one trying to manipulate you?

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

I would suggest exploring the idea of a diagnosis (social anxiety, autistic spectrum, personality disorder(s) (especially since you admit you're "manipulative" which is a good thing to recognise)) and therapy (CBT type for example) also. Talking through your issues because it seems like a lot of this is self esteem/worth, belief and behaviour related which can be challenged and improved. Not a pro-lifer, but since you are asking for help and are aware of your issues you have hope x

*Just realised you said "motivate me to end my life", sorry for misreading lol. But honestly if you need motivating to end your life - I think you aren't there yet and especially in your situation where your problems seem workable. But of course, this is a pro-choice website and I respect your feelings.

 

[deletednumber]

I feel so lonely, I don't have any friends outside of the internet really and I'm drifting away from my few online friends and that's my fault, I'm so awkward and I hate being around people. I'm such a manipulative piece of shit, my boyfriend broke up with me because of that. He says I'm "fucked up in the head" and I shouldn't be in relationships and I'm starting to think that as well. I overthink too much and always feel like I'm annoying everyone nobody likes me and they all hate me. There's no point in living, I stare at a computer all day and starve myself. My life isn't going anywhere and it never will. I want to kill myself I'm just not motivated enough, does anyone have any tips to motivate me to end my life? I just need some help convincing myself, I just want to die so please help me out.

I understand you ... I'm in a similar situation, trapped because I can't kill myself despite several attempts

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering, loneliness is a painful feeling that can send many of us into despair. My life is also going nowhere, I have a very pointless existence and I am tired of it. In regards to ctb, I agree with what it is said above, only you know when/if it is the right time/right decision for you. I feel like in my case, I will only be able to ctb when I reach the point of hopelessness or desperation as the SI is hard to overcome. I wish you well.