Venting I feel like I’ve been already dead for years

[lastappleonearth]

If I would've been actually dead the past couple of years, then that wouldn't have made such a big difference, because I don't really live anyway. Well at least I don't think that you can truly call this "living", I merely just exist, solely on my own and for myself. I've made no lasting impact while being here, none whatsoever. Idk if everything has always been this bland, but it is now. It's like all the colours have disappeared and my whole world is grey. No friends, well almost none, no relationships and like I get it, there's nothing that interesting about me, in general I am just a pretty bland and boring person I guess. I always think of someone, but no one ever thinks of me, I'm just there as some sort of a background character. I never thought that I could ever be this profoundly alone, with no one to call, no one to text, no one to go to or talk to. The only thing I have are some distant memories of connection, which I'm trying to hold onto, but they're still slowly fading away. I just feel like nothing, I don't mean that much to anyone and I don't have anyone, who's close to me. I wish I could go back in time 3-4 years and choose differently, make different decisions with the knowledge of how I ended up where I'm now, but obviously I can't. I keep thinking that it must be exciting to have connections, to be close to someone, looking forward to speaking with someone or being with someone. Those are all normal experiences, which shouldn't be so far out of reach, but for me they now are. I dislike myself so much, I am genuinely starting to believe that it's just meant to be this way for me

 

[abstractcat7]

I really relate to a lot of what you're saying. It's why my signature on here is what it is. Being alone is truly hell.

I'm like an abused dog kept in the far back corner of the shelter, away from people and other dogs for everyone's safety. Euthanasia would be a mercy, and the right thing to do.

 

[Off_Switch]

Perhaps this is hell and we're here because we're already dead.

 

[abstractcat7]

Perhaps this is hell and we're here because we're already dead.

Just commented elsewhere, and I always say, this earth is the only hell that actually exists.

 

[lastappleonearth]

I really relate to a lot of what you're saying. It's why my signature on here is what it is. Being alone is truly hell.

I'm like an abused dog kept in the far back corner of the shelter, away from people and other dogs for everyone's safety. Euthanasia would be a mercy, and the right thing to do.

Im sorry you can relate. Being alone for a prolonged period of time really messes with you, after some time you even start to believe that you're not worth of connection etc. Idk, it's just a vicious cycle, I haven't yet figured out how to get out of it

Perhaps this is hell and we're here because we're already dead.

Would explain a lot tbh

 

[Skullinthewoods]

I feel so similar... literally feeling like a background character, like a faded memory, and like life has come and gone.

Sometimes I feel like I've been living in the end credits of most of my life now.

Loneliness is a fate worse than death, I believe.

So sad to hear that you feel this way. I wish life could be more joyous for you.

 

[lastappleonearth]

I feel so similar... literally feeling like a background character, like a faded memory, and like life has come and gone.

Sometimes I feel like I've been living in the end credits of most of my life now.

Loneliness is a fate worse than death, I believe.

So sad to hear that you feel this way. I wish life could be more joyous for you.

Yeah, having people to care about and who care about you as well is such an essential part of the human experience and it hurts so much, when it's missing