I feel bad about ordering N and not using it

[Snake of Eden]

I feel bad about how much I spent when I ordered N and also my reluctance of wether i would use it. I know it is SI playing with my brain. I went through hell literally just to order it and here I am being a total pussy now that it will arrive and I can catch the bus peacefully but No! All my religious upbringing dogma about how suicide will damn me to hell has to kick in. Omg i feel so trapped and dont know what to do!

 

[Life_and_Death]

you shouldnt feel bad about that i can understand why though. i know it wont make it better but heres some hugs

edit: the next comment gave me the idea of adding my beliefs.
i dont see why all cant be forgiven in the afterlife. even the 'bad' people. i feel that we are all the way we are for a reason. that its not necessarily 'our' fault. i just feel that some people dont always realize that you shouldnt hurt others. or maybe they for some reason dont know theyre doing it. i just dont see why one cant be forgiven just because they couldnt see.

 

[Thegoldenapples]

The strong SI might be because you're not ready. As for going to hell if you cbt, no doesn't work that way. Hell doesn't exist. You go home like everyone else.

 

[Snake of Eden]

The strong SI might be because you're not ready. As for going to hell if you cbt, no doesn't work that way. Hell doesn't exist. You go home like everyone else.

I wish it was that simple and i can say there is nothing after death and it will be home and all peaceful for all. I wish it was that easy

 

[TheUnkn0wn]

I find the urge to commit can be extreme until an individual has the resources in hand to get it done. Many fantasize committing suicide however how many will actually try and go through with it. The research and planning behind CTB makes things even more appealing and can fulfill some form of satisfaction, however getting the resources together and putting the plan into action is two different scenarios

 

[Snake of Eden]

I find the urge to commit can be extreme until an individual has the resources in hand to get it done. Many fantasize committing suicide however how many will actually try and go through with it. The research and planning behind CTB makes things even more appealing and can fulfill some form of satisfaction, however getting the resources together and putting the plan into action is two different scenarios

You so goddamn right about that.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Can send it this way. I will gladly use it.

 

[FuneralCry]

It can be hard to take our own lives because we are programmed to survive. We may want to die but our survival instinct stops us. I understand, It is like being trapped. I think many people overcome this when they reach a certain point of desperation. I'm sorry to hear you are suffering so much though. I wish you well.

 

[puppet_nihilist]

Can send it this way. I will gladly use it.

Your floch pfp really adds to your comment lmao

 

[insanedoomer]

Can send it this way. I will gladly use it.

same .

 

[Thegoldenapples]

I wish it was that simple and i can say there is nothing after death and it will be home and all peaceful for all. I wish it was that easy

I understand. This is the thing with some religions instilling fear into people if they "go against gods will". Everyone has "sinned", so according to the bible we would all go to hell. I read up on one religion, can't remember what it was, but they said it you cbt then you'll suffer for the next 500 lives. Again, it doesn't work that way. People get pushed to a point of mental torture when they cbt, and if they have exhausted all options to get better and can't so choose to leave, that's their right to decide and the spirit world gets that. They don't control us or are judgmental and punish like what happens on earth. They come from a place of love and understanding and know earth can be tough and you can go off track. We have freewill for a reason. We are all understanding of each other on SS because we understand the pain and they do too.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

My cousin was a nice guy. He did it. I believe he is absolutely not in hell for doing it.

 

[Thegoldenapples]

My cousin was a nice guy. He did it. I believe he is absolutely not in hell for doing it.

Exactly. I spoke to a chick once who did a past life regression and in her past life, once her brother died, she walked into the ocean and never came out. Her life now is amazing. She hasn't been punished and didn't go to hell. There is also no research to indicate hell exists. No mediums etc have ever come across it.

I feel SI is strong in people because there's still hope left. Those that I've met that have cbt know in their soul they are done and SI isn't too difficult to manage. If people have a shred of hope, they should hold onto that until there is nothing left because it's not something can be undone.

 

[NormaJeane]

I feel bad about how much I spent when I ordered N and also my reluctance of wether i would use it. I know it is SI playing with my brain. I went through hell literally just to order it and here I am being a total pussy now that it will arrive and I can catch the bus peacefully but No! All my religious upbringing dogma about how suicide will damn me to hell has to kick in. Omg i feel so trapped and dont know what to do!

How can you order N when this is an illigal drug?

 

[nihilism44]

I feel bad about how much I spent when I ordered N and also my reluctance of wether i would use it. I know it is SI playing with my brain. I went through hell literally just to order it and here I am being a total pussy now that it will arrive and I can catch the bus peacefully but No! All my religious upbringing dogma about how suicide will damn me to hell has to kick in. Omg i feel so trapped and dont know what to do!

Maybe you are not ready.. there is absolutely no rush to use the N that you have. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way <3

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Exactly. I spoke to a chick once who did a past life regression and in her past life, once her brother died, she walked into the ocean and never came out. Her life now is amazing. She hasn't been punished and didn't go to hell. There is also no research to indicate hell exists. No mediums etc have ever come across it.

I feel SI is strong in people because there's still hope left. Those that I've met that have cbt know in their soul they are done and SI isn't too difficult to manage. If people have a shred of hope, they should hold onto that until there is nothing left because it's not something can be undone.

Thanks for the reply. What do you mean about her life is now amazing? I think reincarnation is another form of hell. I think more people hold on not because they are hopeful, but because they are just afraid of changing planes of life vs. nothing or something else.

Like I said my cousin was a nice guy. I wish I would have written a longer email complaining about my horrible existence when he emailed me last. He shot himself. I understand why he did it. I agree...suicide is divorcing of one's self.

I wish I knew how he informed family of what he was doing. He lived alone. I wonder how long he was alone after doing it. It sucks, but in a way knowing he did it makes me feel better about doing it to myself. When I look at old emails my shit is terrifying for years...and his is not that great.

 

[greyhound]

Just use it and write in your note that you felt it couldn't go to waste.

 

[Thegoldenapples]

Thanks for the reply. What do you mean about her life is now amazing? I think reincarnation is another form of hell. I think more people hold on not because they are hopeful, but because they are just afraid of changing planes of life vs. nothing or something else.

Like I said my cousin was a nice guy. I wish I would have written a longer email complaining about my horrible existence when he emailed me last. He shot himself. I understand why he did it. I agree...suicide is divorcing of one's self.

I wish I knew how he informed family of what he was doing. He lived alone. I wonder how long he was alone after doing it. It sucks, but in a way knowing he did it makes me feel better about doing it to myself. When I look at old emails my shit is terrifying for years...and his is not that great.

She's just happy man. Healthy mental state. Doesn't have many issues. Jsut standard life bs. Hasn't been punished for it etc. they say sometimes cbt can be a potential in your life path which is why it pops up for some and even though others are pushed to their limit, cbt doesn't even come up as a option, because the potential doesn't exist for them. There's lots of views around this topic and on reincarnation. I know about getting to the point where you want to completely cease to exist snd even the thought of continuing on feels exhausting but the way people feel when they cbt, won't be how they feel once they get home and heal.

Totally understand those reasons why some hold on for sure, wasn't meaning to apply a blanket rule. Have just observed that in some on SS, they have such a strong SI, they can't cbt, then they are in recovery. Also some people getting to the point of utter desperation where cbt becomes a complete necessity so SI diminishes.

Sorry to hear about your cousin. He got pushed to his limit. Sometimes things need to be divorced from, because staying married to the situation is more damaging.

 

[DemonicAngel]

I know what you mean. I spent all my money on it and I can't do it. It's not because of religion though. I don't think suicide is a one shot to hell kinda thing. It may sound stupid but I can't do it because of my cat. She'd be left alone with my alcoholic bitch excuse of a mother who would forget to feed her or fall on her....I worry what would happen to her. I'm almost certain if not for that cat I'd be long gone.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I know what you mean. I spent all my money on it and I can't do it. It's not because of religion though. I don't think suicide is a one shot to hell kinda thing. It may sound stupid but I can't do it because of my cat. She'd be left alone with my alcoholic bitch excuse of a mother who would forget to feed her or fall on her....I worry what would happen to her. I'm almost certain if not for that cat I'd be long gone.

It doesnt sound stupid. You feel responsible for your cat just like a parent feels responsible for their child.

 

[coffee]

I would love to have N even if I decide not to use it. It's my favorite choice to ctb.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I would love to have N even if I decide not to use it. It's my favorite choice to ctb.

I have it and my ctb will is half assed unfortunately

 

[Infinitespace_]

it has like a 8 year shelf life right so u have a lot of time

 

[roguetrader]

Look at it as insurance….you may want it someday and its good to have it available as an option

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

it has like a 8 year shelf life right so u have a lot of time

Someone said they put it in the fridge...I can't do this. Do you think it matters?

 

[Fenrirsend]

Shouldn't feel bad about not doing it... No Shame in it.

I mean you don't want it tho I know a guy who's love to have it, just saying