I fantasise about my parents dying so that I can be free to ctb

[the_phoenix_project]

This is the only real barrier for me. My friends (if I can even call them my friend) probably won't be affected that much. Fuck my employer. Not close to any relatives. Actually not close to my parents either but I still don't want them to suffer too much grief.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I relate. Not that I want to go through the horrid of losing a parent but i will have less deterrents if I didnt have to worry about causing them grief.

 

[WeslieZX]

I wouldn't say I necessarily fantasize about it, but in some ways I do look forward to my mother being gone someday. I love her dearly, but she's the only reason I haven't killed myself and if she was gone I could finally be free.

 

[Bone]

i think "fantasize" is the wrong word, but i agree with the sentiment...waiting for that is gonna take too long for me. i was emotionally abused by my mother anyway and my father, who is a very nice person, let it happen, and continued to enable her alcoholism. this led to a myriad of problems for me in adult life and is a major contributing factor for my decision to ctb. i think im over the idea of worrying about hurting them given how in pain i am and how hopeless the future is for me.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

I wouldn't say I fantasize about it, but if my father passes peacefully, I will no longer have a reason to continue this pointless life and will be able to die without worry.

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course we have the right to exit this world at a time of our choosing, it is our life, our decision and nobody else has any say in it. I understand that my death would cause pain to family members, but in my case, I do not even care any more. It would be selfish of them to expect me to suffer for decades.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I think it is just the SI talking. While you probably don't want to hurt your parents in the end I believe this is SI subconsciously fucking with your mind. I found that there will always be another excuse.

Maybe people who finally ctb reached a point where no more excuses could help them cope. I am so scared to think that I don't have it in me to actually do this.