i escaped the ward and im freaking out

[CarbonBased]

Do you think they can track you if you call through a messenger of some sort? I'm talking whatsapp, signal, telegram, or whatever else you're using

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

I used WhatsApp last time when they were able to trace my location.

 

[CarbonBased]

Maybe you can try with a vpn?

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

Maybe you can try with a vpn?

I don't know. It seems risky, and I don't know who I'd call. I mean, the first I want to call is my ex, but I don't know if he would like that given i'd be breaking the two week period

 

[CarbonBased]

I don't know. It seems risky, and I don't know who I'd call. I mean, the first I want to call is my ex, but I don't know if he would like that given i'd be breaking the two week period

Why not call your sister instead then?

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

Why not call your sister instead then?

i don't care about my sister i literally only care about my ex

he is the only person who means something to me

and i just don't know what id tell my sister lol

 

[CarbonBased]

i don't care about my sister i literally only care about my ex

he is the only person who means something to me

and i just don't know what id tell my sister lol

I understand that this can be a very personal question, but why do you think that is that you only care about your ex?

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

I understand that this can be a very personal question, but why do you think that is that you only care about your ex?

I don't know. Maybe it's cause I'm severely mentally ill and he's become obsession of mine?

but also, as a schizophrenic, he helps cure my negative symptoms like when I'm with him, I'm not suicidal. I'm not unhappy. I'm like actually happy. I'm joyous. I'm feeling all these emotions that are locked behind my anhedonia

but also growing up has conditioned me to not care about my family. I was very distant from them.

 

[WoodsGK]

Are you using your cell to browsing this forum or you turned off your cellphone?

A simple Google search tell me you don't need to make/answer calls to get geo tracked.

No, you do not need to answer a call to be tracked. A phone can be tracked simply by being turned on and connected to a cellular network or Wi-Fi. Answering a phone call adds nothing to determining your physical location.

The methods used to track a phone include:Cell Tower Triangulation: Network providers and law enforcement can track your general location by measuring the distance between your phone and nearby cell towers.

GPS & Wi-Fi: Devices constantly use built-in GPS and Wi-Fi networks to gather precise coordinates.

Law Enforcement "Pings": Police can send network signals (or passively acquire data) to find a device's whereabouts, which is done independently of the user answering.

 

[Obsess]

I feel like if you're under intense pressure you should really pause and think. Of course, this is completely your choice, but I feel like maybe trying to see where things could go with your ex could completely alter your views

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

Are you using your cell to browsing this forum or you turned off your cellphone?

A simple Google search tell me you don't need to make/answer calls to get geo tracked.

No, you do not need to answer a call to be tracked. A phone can be tracked simply by being turned on and connected to a cellular network or Wi-Fi. Answering a phone call adds nothing to determining your physical location.

The methods used to track a phone include:Cell Tower Triangulation: Network providers and law enforcement can track your general location by measuring the distance between your phone and nearby cell towers.

GPS & Wi-Fi: Devices constantly use built-in GPS and Wi-Fi networks to gather precise coordinates.

Law Enforcement "Pings": Police can send network signals (or passively acquire data) to find a device's whereabouts, which is done independently of the user answering.

oh. interesting, ok I didn't know that. I am using cellular data and no one's coming to find me yet. It's just that reading through my own medical journal of the incident on June 18, it was stated explicitly that the police were managed to track me because of my ongoing phone call with my ex.

 

[CarbonBased]

I don't know. Maybe it's cause I'm severely mentally ill and he's become obsession of mine?

but also, as a schizophrenic, he helps cure my negative symptoms like when I'm with him, I'm not suicidal. I'm not unhappy. I'm like actually happy. I'm joyous. I'm feeling all these emotions that are locked behind my anhedonia

but also growing up has conditioned me to not care about my family. I was very distant from them.

I'm sure you already know this, but it's not healthy having your mood wholly determined by a single person :(

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

I feel like if you're under intense pressure you should really pause and think. Of course, this is completely your choice, but I feel like maybe trying to see where things could go with your ex could completely alter your views

yeah, but I don't know where things could go with my ex. I feel like I've completely burnt that bridge by putting him through my own suicidal experience on June 18. so I don't know where we stand, and that's what's killing me.

I'm sure you already know this, but it's not healthy having your mood wholly determined by a single person :(

you sound like my ex hahah

 

[Obsess]

yeah, but I don't know where things could go with my ex. I feel like I've completely burnt that bridge by putting him through my own suicidal experience on June 18. so I don't know where we stand, and that's what's killing me.

That's true, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people try to say my life will get better without even knowing me, so I wont say that to you or anything. Has your ex said you troubled him with your experiences, and did he seem like he was still interested in you when you last spoke?

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

fuxk the police are on to me

trains slowed

i just hopped on one but it's halted

no clue if it'll leave with me on it

GG cannot CTB!!!!! fuck

 

[CarbonBased]

fuxk the police are on to me

trains slowed

i just hopped on one but it's halted

no clue if it'll leave with me on it

GG cannot CTB!!!!! fuck

I'm sorry you couldn't set yourself free, but I'm also glad that you're safe now. You will have opportunities to ctb in the future, but now you have the time to make sure that this really is what you want and do it safely (in a sense that you won't risk permanent injury by failing)

 

[Drogon]

Probably a good thing to avoid permanently mentally scarring the conductor …..

 

[Aflame5926]

i would also say go back my 2 cent of a opinion. this all sounds soo much rushed.

OP think about it. is it really the way you wanted?

so long the answer is no bid your time

 

[Obsess]

fuxk the police are on to me

trains slowed

i just hopped on one but it's halted

no clue if it'll leave with me on it

GG cannot CTB!!!!! fuck

Im sorry that things didn't work out how you planned, but at least you could potentially make things better with your ex. There will be plenty of opportunities to CTB in the future as well, like what CarbonBased said. Stay safe and I hope you get your desired outcome c:

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

That's true, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people try to say my life will get better without even knowing me, so I wont say that to you or anything. Has your ex said you troubled him with your experiences, and did he seem like he was still interested in you when you last spoke?

he said something like that, I'm too mentally ill, and that he feels like a caretaker in our relationship.

anyway, the police got me. It was super awkward. I had boarded a train and it was crowded with people and the police got me in a escorted me off the train and everyone was fucking looking at me like I was some criminal and they held my arm super tight, but once we got in the police cruiser, it was OK. They just drove me back to the psych ward where I am now and they joke like, was it nice to get some fresh air and like, yeah, it was

And I just kept saying that I didn't have any nefarious intentions.

 

[Obsess]

he said something like that, I'm too mentally ill, and that he feels like a caretaker in our relationship.

anyway, the police got me. It was super awkward. I had boarded a train and it was crowded with people and the police got me in a escorted me off the train and everyone was fucking looking at me like I was some criminal and they held my arm super tight, but once we got in the police cruiser, it was OK. They just drove me back to the psych ward where I am now and they joke like, was it nice to get some fresh air and like, yeah, it was

And I just kept saying that I didn't have any nefarious intentions.

O ok, well, Im glad you're in a safer area now, and I'm sorry those people yelled at you. Also, I'm sorry about how your bf treated you and everything, that sounds tiring, being told you're "too mentally ill." I hope things go your way within the next few days!

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

O ok, well, Im glad you're in a safer area now, and I'm sorry those people yelled at you. Also, I'm sorry about how your bf treated you and everything, that sounds tiring, being told you're "too mentally ill." I hope things go your way within the next few days!

I just need to find some SN or something. I'm still dead locked on killing myself, but today wasn't the day. Apparently, I couldn't fucking do it or I could go to the tracks easily, but I couldn't say goodbye to my ex. I just couldn't

And I don't care how poorly he treats me. I still love him unconditionally. It's terrible, but I'm just fucked in the head like that

And that makes it sound like he treats me poorly. He's an angel to me usually. He's really, really nice

 

[Obsess]

I just need to find some SN or something. I'm still dead locked on killing myself, but today wasn't the day. Apparently, I couldn't fucking do it or I could go to the tracks easily, but I couldn't say goodbye to my ex. I just couldn't

And I don't care how poorly he treats me. I still love him unconditionally. It's terrible, but I'm just fucked in the head like that

And that makes it sound like he treats me poorly. He's an angel to me usually. He's really, really nice

I understand, yeah, he's been good to you and I dont know your situation as much as you do. Im sorry if I said anything harsh, but, Its good that you're willing to talk to him again if you think he's whats best for you. I'm glad that he's really nice to you :>

 

[a-lien]

You need -1 more posts to view this content

 

[InDefenseImNumb]

I just need to find some SN or something. I'm still dead locked on killing myself, but today wasn't the day. Apparently, I couldn't fucking do it or I could go to the tracks easily, but I couldn't say goodbye to my ex. I just couldn't

And I don't care how poorly he treats me. I still love him unconditionally. It's terrible, but I'm just fucked in the head like that

And that makes it sound like he treats me poorly. He's an angel to me usually. He's really, really nice

Hello, fellow trans girlie here

Since you sound young, I just figured id say that shitty relationships can cause so much pain, and reliance on others can ruin you. Im considering CTB pretty soon myself, and its due to putting too much trust in a relationship and going through DV as a result. Im struggling to bring myself to do it because I keep looking in the mirror at a girl who's not ready to go yet and still wants to live, but has fear of a much worse fate at the hands of someone she should have never met. Don't let yourself get to that point. I know relationships are hard to come by, but dont stay with someone out of desperation. It will ruin you.

Also, if you're going to CTB, dont do it by train. Its a very unreliable method and theres a very real chance youll survive or have prolonged suffering.

 

[The Disqualified]

Please don't do it. Seriously, don't.
You shouldn't feel forced when it comes to things like these for one very good reason; it robs you of agency.
Yes, I said that right. You're about to make a very permanent choice because of someone else's actions.
And that's a very bad thing to do.

Please take a breather, just one minute okay?
I know my words sound like cheap butter, but seriously think about what I said.

I don't get why everyone is jumping on you. You seem reasonable!
@CarbonBased as well.

i'm digging my own grave here

Yes, this was not a good move.

but i was too mentally ill for him

I just want him to be my boyfriend and that's not gonna happen he said it himself, I'm too mentally ill.

but i don't want to get over him, he's literally my everything i love him i love him i love him i don't want to find anyone else.

I don't know. Maybe it's cause I'm severely mentally ill and he's become obsession of mine?

I empathize with you, it seems like you are going through a lot of emotions right now, but please:

1. Why do you think you need him to be happy? I know he makes you feel better, but the problem may not be merely his absence, but other things in your life that he helps you deal with you.

2. Why do you justify things with "I am mentally ill".
I understand you are schizophrenic by what you told us, and I empathize with that, truthfully. But it is not a death sentence and it does not mean you have no agency.
Schizophrenia has the possibility of remission for a considerable number of people with treatment.
Please, do not let this convince you that you need to die.

Probably a good thing to avoid permanently mentally scarring the conductor …..

Yeah.
This is not the first time they attempt ctb like that.

I don't want to sound paternalistic, but just being honest as I have seen it myself numerous times.
It seems like you are going through a lot right now and you don't seem to understand your own feelings.

No one knows who you are or your full life context, but it is clear you have not thought this through whatsoever.

Please, reflect on why you are attemtping to ctb to being with.
What do you seek to achieve with this?
Do you want to end your suffering?
Do you want to prove something to other people?
Do you want others to notice your pain?

Not saying any of these things are true, but you gotta be honest.
It would be a tragedy for you to kill yourself at a young age when so much is uncertain.

I hope your relationship with your bf can be repaired eventually, but for now I hope you see you need to take your mind out of this at least for a while.

I hope you listen to what other people are telling you here whole-heartedly and reconsider why you are doing all of this.

This is a very big decision. Everyone here can help you and support you.

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

I understand, yeah, he's been good to you and I dont know your situation as much as you do. Im sorry if I said anything harsh, but, Its good that you're willing to talk to him again if you think he's whats best for you. I'm glad that he's really nice to you :>

Well I dont know, I fear talking to him again, i dont know what's gonna happen?? will things get worse or will it get better???? things are just gonna change and i dont like it. i just wish we could go back to being together, that's all i need. the key to me not being suicidal is him.

but seriously i dread talking to him again, maybe he liked the no-communication and doesn't want to talk to me ever again, who knows???

that's why i wanted to CTB today and felt rushed by the deadline

 

[Obsess]

Well I dont know, I fear talking to him again, i dont know what's gonna happen?? will things get worse or will it get better???? things are just gonna change and i dont like it. i just wish we could go back to being together, that's all i need. the key to me not being suicidal is him.

but seriously i dread talking to him again, maybe he liked the no-communication and doesn't want to talk to me ever again, who knows???

that's why i wanted to CTB today and felt rushed by the deadline

Yeah that's scary. Change is always scary and unpredictable, it's one of the major reasons I want to CTB this year. I get wanting the comfort of your chosen person.. when I get attached to people, I practically put my life in their hands. It sounds like youre really happy with him, and if what you said about him is true, I dont think he would just never want to talk to you again.

I know you're afraid and feeling sad about what could go wrong, but things could also go well, its's not entirely determined yet. I wish the best for you though, I hope that you get what you want :<

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

Yeah that's scary. Change is always scary and unpredictable, it's one of the major reasons I want to CTB this year. I get wanting the comfort of your chosen person.. when I get attached to people, I practically put my life in their hands. It sounds like youre really happy with him, and if what you said about him is true, I dont think he would just never want to talk to you again.

I know you're afraid and feeling sad about what could go wrong, but things could also go well, its's not entirely determined yet. I wish the best for you though, I hope that you get what you want :<

But I'm bad and unhealthy for him. He literally said like our dynamic is like him being a caretaker and he can't do that. It's so much stress. So like I'm bad for him So I could see why he would want to drop me completely. I just feel like it's mean to give me two weeks of no contact and, then just drop me fully after that.

But he also said when I attempted before that there would be a me-shaped hole in his heart So I I don't know. I don't know. He's very affectionate with everyone, so I'm hard to it's difficult to tell what he really means and who he really cares about. Right now it doesn't feel like he cares about me and that's scary to me. I just wanted to kill myself while like strike while the iron's hot.

But now I couldn't do it. I couldn't say goodbye. I don't know. Literally at the train tracks for hours and I couldn't fucking do it because I'm some fucking loser faggot.

 

[Aflame5926]

nah man dont be like that.

it was to rushed. you need to be prepared and if you rush things like this it just dont end up well.
play ball for now and just bid your time. i hope in the future ya either plan its with control and rest or not doing it at all.

panic state doesnt help you at all. it will only makes things worser.

stay strong through even tho that is very difficult.