I don't think there's anything worse than a failed attempt

[CosmicVoid]

I woke up in the middle of the night today unable to control my right arm and feeling that it was completely numb. Not a big deal I thought: I laid on my arm, restricted the blood flow and as a result it fell asleep; happens every other night to me. I shook it off, massaged it with my left hand and it was back to normal in like 20 seconds. After that I realized something: what if I tried to ctb, failed and after I woke up my body would be permanently damaged. Losing control of one of your limbs is a terrifying experience and a failed attempt poses a much greater risk than that. There's so much that can go wrong and in the end you'll end up horribly crippled. Why must it be this way? Why must I be a prisoner of this body: hating existence, but being too afraid to die, or rather being afraid of the consequences of trying to die and not succeeding.

 

[CrossEyedCat]

That's the biggest thing stopping me. Knowing that any way I WANT to ctb is a way that potentially puts me in a situation where it doesn't work. I don't know how to guide on this subject. I wish I did. But know you aren't the only one with this fear.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

That is something that scares me too.

 

[Wrennie]

This literally happened to me. I temporarily lost control of one of my limbs (my right leg) after breaking my hip during a CTB attempt. It was completely numb and I couldn't bend it. Thankfully after many months I can finally move it around but it's nothing like how it used to be.

Yeah, if you're going to CTB, it's best to have a concrete plan with little room for error.

Our bodies truly are inescapable prisons and I feel your pain, OP.

 

[Abir_london]

This is literally my worst fear.
You need a 100% plan