I don't know why I care so much about my brother when he's so horrible to me

[Rue89]

I was going to ctb this morning, but I woke up thinking that it's my brother's birthday. Then I remembered his birthday is Wednesday, and today is Monday and I'm going to ctb. But I got to thinking, do I really want to ruin his birthday? I'm not sure why I care. He's so horrible to me most of the time. Our relationship is complicated. I believe he does love me, to some extent, but I also believe he see me as beneath him, as someone he can use and abuse. But there have also been rare occasions that he has stood up for me or helped me out. He's complicated and even I haven't figured him out. Most of the time I try avoid him, since more than likely he's not going to be nice. But despite all he's done to me he is my brother and I do love him. Sometimes I wonder if I'm stupid for feeling this way. But also, like I've said before, I guess I don't want to stoop to his level. Oh well, the option to ctb isn't going anywhere and there are some perks to waiting. I'll get to enjoy some birthday treats - funfetti pancakes and cupcakes, and scotcharoos. I'm thinking about Thursday or Friday to ctb, and the weather is going to be better those days (I'm going to ctb outside). I just hate waiting and I wish I didn't feel so conflicted about this.

 

[Deleted member 17331]

This seems to be a very difficult and painful choice.
In my view, birthdays are just another day to mourn, but of course this does not apply in the minds of normal people, and they consider that date dear and important. It is really a difficult choice.

@rue89 , i know this is painful because i also plan ctb in the month of my brother's birthday, and it hurts me a lot. But I also think that if you are experiencing unbearable pain, you have no duty to prolong your suffering just to favor people, because they will disappear anyway (you have every right to kick me in the ass if I'm being tough on you).

If there are advantages to waiting, try to grab them tightly. Enjoy the goodies and your days.

Sending you a thousand hugs.