I don't know how to deal with the inherent powerlessness of living.

[glittergore]

I don't know how to deal with the inherent powerlessness of being alive. As a human being, I'm bound by physics, biology, my body, other people, and myself. I can't escape from this bondage while alive and it makes me extraordinarily uncomfortable on a deep level. I feel like I'm constantly being suffocated by the weight of all I'm forced to be and all that will always influence me. It's only in death I'd be able to find freedom from this, only in suicide that I'd be able to give myself that gift.

Shouldn't I be entitled to that? Shouldn't I get the opportunity to claim an ultimate form of power and consent by choosing my own death? However, that's tremendously difficult as well. In a lot of ways, I love being alive, and that makes me want to find a way to cope with this, but I don't know if I can. I can't escape this weight.
I'm ambivalent and exhausted.

 

[RileyTanaka]

One thing that I've learned is that you're never truly free and if you feel that way now, there's a good chance you'll die feeling that way. But if you love anything about being alive, you're in for a long stay in limbo.

 

[glittergore]

One thing that I've learned is that you're never truly free and if you feel that way now, there's a good chance you'll die feeling that way. But if you love anything about being alive, you're in for a long stay in limbo.

You're right. I'll have to see how long I can live in this limbo before it becomes unbearable, especially with the other things that bother me about life and living.

 

[virginiawoolf86]

If you get too close to the threshold you risk acting rashly.

I just know that I'm currently experiencing that. I need to die. And the weight is crushing me. I'm ready to jump, when climbing up a ladder terrifies me.