I don't know how much longer I can hold out

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I know last night my brother said he'd be sad if died (hes 14). He would be so lonely as our horrible abusive mom died and hes not close to my dad. He was really scared and thought I was gonna do something. That when I had been discharged from the pschward at 18 he always felt scared id just myself again. Though I know he cares, I hate taking his abuse. It sucks and I dont know how much longer I can keep going down this path. I don't know how I can deal with the trauma and abuse anymore. I mean I'd be leaving him to loneliness but, what about my pain? Everyday my brain I suffering and I would hope, maybe he'd understand

 

[SoIntoYou]

Fuck...

 

[Deleted member 19276]

Damn, this sounds serious but... I just hope that he understands too, if you wish to go through with it.
Family, to think it will make things better but... At times, it's like a burden a person can carry.
I am so sorry though!

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Damn, this sounds serious but... I just hope that he understands too, if you wish to go through with it.
Family, to think it will make things better but... At times, it's like a burden a person can carry.
I am so sorry though!

Yeah, it feels like an immense burden I cant carry anymore

 

[Deleted member 19276]

Yeah, it feels like an immense burden I cant carry anymore

You are completely sure you can't move out somewhere, start on your own and forget about them all?
I know it's easier said than done, but... Well, I've been stuck with mine and I know it can have it's negative sides.

 

[Joey]

Damn :(

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

You are completely sure you can't move out somewhere, start on your own and forget about them all?
I know it's easier said than done, but... Well, I've been stuck with mine and I know it can have it's negative sides.

No money no way for people like me. I feel now that, CTB is the answer

 

[Deleted member 19276]

No money no way for people like me. I feel now that, CTB is the answer

Similar boat with money I have and the no job thing... Shit, I am really sorry

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

In a way, I dont care how my brother feels. Hes the reason I want to die in the first place. If anything this would hopefully be karma

 

[BPD Barbie]

I feel you. I felt this way about my mother, even though we have had a rocky relationship. At some point though I decided to put myself and my own needs first. I'm not gonna stay alive just so someone else doesn't feel guilty or because me being alive means something to them. People don't understand that choosing to ctb isn't a decision that's come to lightly. It's something that takes us a long time to come to and we have tried and tried everything else.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I feel you. I felt this way about my mother, even though we have had a rocky relationship. At some point though I decided to put myself and my own needs first. I'm not gonna stay alive just so someone else doesn't feel guilty or because me being alive means something to them. People don't understand that choosing to ctb isn't a decision that's come to lightly. It's something that takes us a long time to come to and we have tried and tried everything else.

Your wise. Do you suppose that, I should probable keep to myself awake from myself? that might help. focusing on only me even though I live with them. You made me think a bit

also knowing if I want to CTB, I can do it for myself not for them

 

[InterstateFlowers]

I'm sorry you're going through this. People can carry only so much suffering and pain and yours is too much. Have you talked to your brother about how you feel? I know it's awkward since he's your brother but if you want him to understand, you need to tell him first. Acknowledge that both of you suffered a lot from your parents. Your brother copes by taking it out on you and you're to the point of being suicidal. If he bullied you so much, why does he get scared when you kill yourself? Do you think it's out of genuine concern or he's just acting because he won't have anyone to bully anymore? You know your brother more than I do so I don't know. Has your brother ever told you why he abuses you?

Deep down, I know both of you wish and deserve a stable home life. Please talk about your feelings and his. Both of you might cry a lot because it's really emotional to talk about these things with your siblings. Have you ever told your brother "I love you" heart to heart and meant it? I know both of you are tired and don't want to go on anymore and are at the end of your rope. I can understand if you want to fall and not hold on any longer. But if you have just a little bit of willpower left, try having a heart-to-heart talk to your brother about your family, how you feel about him, how much it hurts when he abuses you, and what you wish for. By wishing for, I don't mean suicide, I mean wishing for a happier family, love, a better relationship with your brother, and so on. Let him speak and cry too. If he interrupts you, try to be the bigger person and not do it back. Listen to him intently like you'd want him for you. I'm sorry you're going through so much and your support outlets are few but I wish you the peace, happiness, and stability you deserve.

Thank you