Venting I cry everyday.

[iwantpeace01]

I cry everyday. I have panic attacks. I have insonmia. I never thought a break up could destroy my mental health this bad. I cannot even commit suicide yet. I developing an acute depression. I am so scared of the future. What is this cruelty? Why do I have to live like this. Is anyone here that got better after a while? I have been like this for a month. I only get worse. I was trying to hang myself. I couldn't. My hands were trembling so much. All the time they are shaking like crazy. I am going insane.

I am sorry for posting but I need someone to at least read me.

 

[ariewist]

Sorry, I think this probably doesn't offer any reassurance really and everyone has different circumstances and mental tribulations when it comes to dealing with I promise this isn't an attempt to to analyze or think I'm right in away about what you are feeling.

If you have any close friends or people you can confide in whether online or in person could be an option however if you are isolating, I get you. Isolation led me to develop major social anxiety at 16 and progressed until I met my girlfriend at the time. I was 19 at this time relationship went for 2 years, we were best friends before that. She broke with me after a fight where I fucked up. Couple days later, she committed suicide. Since then, I stay away from relationships or connection with people to a point where I think I would end up alone. I am 25 now, and yeah just miss my view of a soul mate. It crushed me both the breakup and her being gone.

I'd say do not try to keep it internal but also try to be wary of who you confide in as well. Internalization just leads you to spiralling even harder and when it's fresh oh man, the first thing I did was try to jump off a peak and just be done with it. A friend was following me at the time. He stopped me. The feelings may or may not go away. A month though if it's any reassurance, it would be a harsh hell, and it could last even longer depending on how long you spent time together, how deep the connection was, and feeling like someone at least loves you. I noticed people do start to like me or there are people try to be in a relationship with me.

Try to be aware about sabotaging yourself. Again, at a point in time, the pain dulls, and while it stays, the acceptance of them being gone from your life is something that numbs it in a way. I try to set a future date to leave the world. That way I give myself time to see how long I can hold out, and hey in another month or any day it might feel like you can breathe a little more.

I'm sorry for saying all this and trying to explain that I know shit when I think I'm reaching and completely missing the plot, and for that I'm again sorry. My intention was to just offer any advice. Again I'm sorry if just comes off as "PleAse Don'T ComMiT" or fake positivism like " IT WiLl GeT bEtteR" but that I feel widens the gap of connecting with anyone and you feed into your anxiety, and it will feel like you can't turn your brain off. I use substances to deal with it or numb or diminish the feelings, and it does give temporary relief for myself but also is something that I know people won't view it as a consistent or helpful tool.

 

[_Gollum_]

Hey, I'm sorry you're going through a breakup. It's common for breakups to cause this much pain and trigger suicidal ideation; what you're going through is normal, especially so soon after one (1 month may seem like a lot but breakup-wise it's a millisecond).

However, in the majority of these cases, people do eventually get better. Which makes sense because one of the reasons why breakups hurt so bad is because certain hormones (ex. oxytocin) are released when you're with this person, and your brain becomes dependent on these hormones, so when they're suddenly taken away, it goes into a kind of "withdrawal" that includes physical symptoms such as insomnia, like you mentioned. Think of it like substance abuse: after stopping, you're going to be in a lot of pain for a while as your body adjusts to no longer having that substance. But eventually your body adapts and you return to homeostasis, to equilibrium. That is what happens for most people after breakups.

The problem is that it takes a long time to wean your brain off of a person you were attached to. You're going to have to hold on for at least a few more months, if not more. Do you have any friends or family you can lean on? Any cathartic hobbies, such as journaling? Any small joys, like a cup of coffee, that can get you through a day?