The person I cheated on my boyfriend with told everybody that I know. He told me it'd be on my terms and said that he didn't regret anything. I'm so incredibly in the wrong and I have no idea what to do.
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humantool
Member
- Apr 20, 2025
- 38
Well, you cheated, own up to your mistakes and accept it
Bootleg Astolfo
Glorious Bean Plushie
- Oct 12, 2020
- 829
Michi_Violeta
Without her I'm just a cheap Louis Krages
- Feb 3, 2025
- 486
As someone who's been cheated on, best thing you can do is own up your mistake and make amends for it. I forgave my first ex for cheating because she was honest with me and I loved her, it did hurt, but her acknowledging it was a mistake made it easier. Also, that guy is an asshole: you did something wrong, yeah, but that doesn't excuse him taking it public.
Withered
Member
- Apr 9, 2025
- 44
Well you're better than many cheaters already in admitting that you are in the wrong. To be honest, you deserve the social repercussions that come from this even though he should not have spread the word, and so you should make it a top priority to not let this negative experience escape you and to actually learn from it. Best of luck hombre
WastedPottential
Member
- Mar 12, 2024
- 12
Even if you are still in the wrong, which it is. It doesn't mean you can't make amends and keep going afterwards.
The worst thing is mainly all of the guilt and sorrow that comes with these kinds of things, which is probably why your Ex, in a blind rage, made it public.
The thing is that yes you fucked up, yes you will get ostracised.
Depending on how it affects your current relationships going forward, you may need to publicly apologize (Your EX has the right not to accept it) or flee the area and try to find a new life. It's hard, and will be hard.
Try to become better, and think about what made you go up to that place, potentially get therapy or counselling.
Even if you're in the wrong, you're still a person and you can improve, learn, and get better.
(I will note that I have no personal experience in this, but am just trying to give my advice.)
The worst thing is mainly all of the guilt and sorrow that comes with these kinds of things, which is probably why your Ex, in a blind rage, made it public.
The thing is that yes you fucked up, yes you will get ostracised.
Depending on how it affects your current relationships going forward, you may need to publicly apologize (Your EX has the right not to accept it) or flee the area and try to find a new life. It's hard, and will be hard.
Try to become better, and think about what made you go up to that place, potentially get therapy or counselling.
Even if you're in the wrong, you're still a person and you can improve, learn, and get better.
(I will note that I have no personal experience in this, but am just trying to give my advice.)
Pale_Rider
Arcanist
- Apr 21, 2025
- 482
Cant say I agree with what you did, but dude is the bigger asshole.
meatclown
Encephalopathyathon
- Jan 24, 2023
- 27
let.me.let.go87
Meh
- Jul 12, 2024
- 299
I've never cheated and never would but you did this and now you need to accept the blowback. I'm sorry dude was a dick tho
I've never cheated and never would but you did this and now you need to accept the blowback. I'm sorry dude was a dick tho
I've never cheated and never would but you did this and now you need to accept the blowback. I'm sorry dude was a dick tho
Haematemesis
Student
- Jan 12, 2025
- 147
this guy did the best thing
people should know
a cheater is not to be trusted by anyone
people should know
a cheater is not to be trusted by anyone
22yearsbroken
Lost in the dark... with no sign of light
- Feb 15, 2025
- 255
Shit happens in life... mistakes are made but you need to own it ..you cant erase the past it happend as shit does ...everyone has regrets in life its how you handdle it in the aftermath.. be honest be open no way around it but to just face it head on.
anonymous2025
Dead Inside
- Apr 9, 2025
- 124
I am a firm believer once a cheater always a cheater in that aspect and although I have never cheated or been cheated on that I know of, I know how it feels when your partner or ex partner finds a rebound though, it happend to me during a 6 year relationship. just a week after cutting ties, we got back together a week later and needless to say it didn't last long after that.
Ashu
novelist, sanskritist, Canadian living in India
- Nov 13, 2021
- 758
inverse-weibull
Member
- Feb 20, 2025
- 29
I'm really sorry you got put in to that position, that guy is definitely an asshole. You made a really big mistake and you obviously caused a lot of pain, but I don't think that defines you. There are some emotionally charged responses (and I can obviously get why, their pain is very valid), but I really don't believe that this alone makes you a bad person. We all fuck up sometimes, even pretty majorly. I think apologizing is a really good idea, it'll help them and probably you as well. I hope you're able to get through this and learn from it as well, wishing you the best
I completely forgot that I posted this. When I logged into my account today, I didn't really expect any kind of reply to this post beyond maybe a couple of reactions? Knowing that people saw this post and some responded while, realistically, even more consumed it, I feel responsible for giving a kinda follow up without being too telling of the situation or without being too defensive of the whole thing, if only because I owe it to everybody involved and everybody who took a passing interest on here.
I'm very appreciative of the response. To be clear, I know that these responses are not in my favor. I can't control that and I'm not denying or deflecting that.
I also wanna be clear that I am in no way excusable for this, regardless of the context of the cheating. I objectively fucked up, and bad.
I'm in therapy now, and I'm making a point to be active in understanding my actions, my responsibility, and my accountability to others. While this situation is still in its initial stages, the most I can do now it acknowledge it and use it as a precedent for my future in being a person.
I faced everything head on when it broke, which was when I made this post. The person who broke this story didn't tell the whole story and hid from everybody after letting it go. I spent the past week confronting what I did and spending my energy on understanding it and listening to what others took of it and what they took of me. I dug into my relationship with my ex and the environment around my cheating. Me, my ex, and the person I cheated with agreed that everybody involved was hurt, and that I owe my ex accountability, understanding, and time.
I'm going forward with confronting everything that led up to the cheating, most importantly what about me and my actions caused it, and accepting discomfort and admitting to have done something beyond horrible, including admitting that I am a cheater, by definition and label.
I'm not going to explain the situation, and I know that is going to seem unfair to people with a vested interest in the situation, if there are any here? But there are already so many people involved in this in my real life, taking this to the internet would be even more irresponsible.
Posting about this in the first place was irresponsible. I was reactive when I posted, and I wasn't thinking straight at all. I can say in the fallout of my reactivity that I fucked up by posting about this.
But I feel like for this to be on record already, it'd be even worse for it to be discarded as a part of this situation?
My ex and I are still talking about this and working through it, and it's complicated. There's only so much faith I can take in the internet and you can take in a thread about cheating posted by someone who cheated, so I'm not going to divulge that aspect.
But yeah, that's what's happening. That's the follow-up. And yeah, this is on the internet forever.
I'm very appreciative of the response. To be clear, I know that these responses are not in my favor. I can't control that and I'm not denying or deflecting that.
I also wanna be clear that I am in no way excusable for this, regardless of the context of the cheating. I objectively fucked up, and bad.
I'm in therapy now, and I'm making a point to be active in understanding my actions, my responsibility, and my accountability to others. While this situation is still in its initial stages, the most I can do now it acknowledge it and use it as a precedent for my future in being a person.
I faced everything head on when it broke, which was when I made this post. The person who broke this story didn't tell the whole story and hid from everybody after letting it go. I spent the past week confronting what I did and spending my energy on understanding it and listening to what others took of it and what they took of me. I dug into my relationship with my ex and the environment around my cheating. Me, my ex, and the person I cheated with agreed that everybody involved was hurt, and that I owe my ex accountability, understanding, and time.
I'm going forward with confronting everything that led up to the cheating, most importantly what about me and my actions caused it, and accepting discomfort and admitting to have done something beyond horrible, including admitting that I am a cheater, by definition and label.
I'm not going to explain the situation, and I know that is going to seem unfair to people with a vested interest in the situation, if there are any here? But there are already so many people involved in this in my real life, taking this to the internet would be even more irresponsible.
Posting about this in the first place was irresponsible. I was reactive when I posted, and I wasn't thinking straight at all. I can say in the fallout of my reactivity that I fucked up by posting about this.
But I feel like for this to be on record already, it'd be even worse for it to be discarded as a part of this situation?
My ex and I are still talking about this and working through it, and it's complicated. There's only so much faith I can take in the internet and you can take in a thread about cheating posted by someone who cheated, so I'm not going to divulge that aspect.
But yeah, that's what's happening. That's the follow-up. And yeah, this is on the internet forever.
I'm not going to make myself out to be a saint, because I'm not... but cheating is a tough pill for me. The only thing I can imagine worse than my situation of never being in a relationship at all, would be if I loved someone and we were in a relationship and I found out she cheated on me. Regardless of the reason, that would have to be the end of that relationship. Trust broken.
I'm not saying I don't understanding being in a relationship and becoming attracted to someone else. I'm just saying if that happens, you first talk to the person you're with... if you can't fix whatever is broken that caused your eye to wander, then I think you have to end that relationship without the promise of a new one before you consider cheating. It's just a non-starter.
There was a woman I liked, then I found out she was unhappily married. She never wore a ring and never talked about her husband until I had told her I liked her. After that, she wanted to confide and talk with me more... never wanted me to meet her husband, though. She wanted to be "friends" but dropped all kinds of hints that made it seem like she was open to an affair. I had to tell her that I didn't want to be a secret friend feeling like I was involved in something wrong even though I wasn't. I told her that we could be actual friends if she didn't hide me OR if her marriage was that unhappy, she ought to for her own sake dissolve it and if after that she wanted to pursue anything, she could let me know. That was the last I spoke with that woman.
I had a not too dissimilar experience with another woman... who was flirty with me even though she was married and asked me if I would be interested in her if she wasn't. She wanted to go running with me back when I was in shape and running for exercise. If I stopped flirting back she would get angry, but if I flirted with her she was disinterested in anything but the flirting. I gave her the same thing, that I didn't want to be a friend she confided in about problems at home and flirted with to frustration and teased. I eventually had to break contact with her.
On some level in both of those situations I had to admit she was psychologically cheating. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong because I was clear on where the boundaries were as long as they were married. But, it wasn't healthy for me so I had to get out of those "friendships" that were basically only using me to fill in what they weren't getting at home without any desire to give me anything in return.
I'm not saying I don't understanding being in a relationship and becoming attracted to someone else. I'm just saying if that happens, you first talk to the person you're with... if you can't fix whatever is broken that caused your eye to wander, then I think you have to end that relationship without the promise of a new one before you consider cheating. It's just a non-starter.
There was a woman I liked, then I found out she was unhappily married. She never wore a ring and never talked about her husband until I had told her I liked her. After that, she wanted to confide and talk with me more... never wanted me to meet her husband, though. She wanted to be "friends" but dropped all kinds of hints that made it seem like she was open to an affair. I had to tell her that I didn't want to be a secret friend feeling like I was involved in something wrong even though I wasn't. I told her that we could be actual friends if she didn't hide me OR if her marriage was that unhappy, she ought to for her own sake dissolve it and if after that she wanted to pursue anything, she could let me know. That was the last I spoke with that woman.
I had a not too dissimilar experience with another woman... who was flirty with me even though she was married and asked me if I would be interested in her if she wasn't. She wanted to go running with me back when I was in shape and running for exercise. If I stopped flirting back she would get angry, but if I flirted with her she was disinterested in anything but the flirting. I gave her the same thing, that I didn't want to be a friend she confided in about problems at home and flirted with to frustration and teased. I eventually had to break contact with her.
On some level in both of those situations I had to admit she was psychologically cheating. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong because I was clear on where the boundaries were as long as they were married. But, it wasn't healthy for me so I had to get out of those "friendships" that were basically only using me to fill in what they weren't getting at home without any desire to give me anything in return.
