notevenhere
Ghost Angel
- Apr 27, 2023
- 153
so i haven't been on discord for weeks now, but im obligated to talk to two people. person A is my "boyfriend," if i can even call him that. he actually hates spending time with me, which is to say: he loves being alone, loves his space, wants me to not talk to him at all or text him until it's one am when he's free. so i have to stay up late just to have his time.
one time, i was calling him at the usual time, one am, and i find out hes playing with one of his friends. weird. why not tell me you were with someone, had i not called, you wouldn't have told me you were with him. and we fought about it because isn't it the bare minimum to tell your girlfriend if you're hanging out with the boys? like last night i saw he was in a vc with five people and i hadn't have a single clue so like? and all i asked is for him to tell me if he's with people it's not even like i don't trust him or whatever like i don't think he'd cheat on me but i wanna know who he is with or where he is i already agreed with no texting until 1am, but just wow. he couldn't handle me calling him out so he was going to kill himself lol so i did everything to talk him out of it but at some point i couldn't believe him, because in my gut, it's not that he would ctb — it's him trying to get rid of me so when nothing was working, he still wants to end his life, i said ok if you wanna die go die ill test run my SN rn.
i mean if he's able to fucking escape by death and leave me alone, abandoning me, why can't i do the same? i have more hardships than he does, what?
and person B is someone i used to talk to every day but now every other day at guilt consumes me bc i know he wants to be close to me but the time zones and my depression and irritability i don't wanna have a conversation with anyone period. even with my bf who i actually wanna talk to, we just sit in silencr
i was hanging out with boyfriends friend the other night cos bf caught some flu and the entire fucking time person C was just flirting with me and gearing it to something sexual when???? im literally complaining about the dead bedroom i have with my bf, why is flirting and sexual innuendos ur first reaction like i have learned to not even seek male validation anymore so getting you off is not my fucking job, tired of men.
i'm not even skinny anymore or young or pretty so what the actual fuck is wrong w men. and an ex friend of mine who got insanely hot / had a glow up keeps pushing to vc it's why i don't fucking wanna open discord dude another irl said creepy comments like oh is it weird im imagining us fucking right now
bro you are my ex soulmates best friend yes it's weird like you know i lost all sense of meaning and purpose when my platonic soulmate committed suicide and my romantic soulmate cut me off bc he knew i had feelings for him and he can't return it bc he's the one who fell first a decade ago and i rejected him so when we tried, we still couldn't. ex soulmate had a long 3 year relationship but he's been pining for me for over 7 years but who cares right, now that Soul is gone, and my platonic soulmate is dead, there's nothing left to live for i mean my own BOYFRIEND HATES ME and his best buddy is FLIRTING W ME what is with the boyfriends friend trying to fuck their gfs? that's very un~bro-like of them anyways what do i know im just gonna disappear cos FUUUUCK THIS SHIT BRUH
one time, i was calling him at the usual time, one am, and i find out hes playing with one of his friends. weird. why not tell me you were with someone, had i not called, you wouldn't have told me you were with him. and we fought about it because isn't it the bare minimum to tell your girlfriend if you're hanging out with the boys? like last night i saw he was in a vc with five people and i hadn't have a single clue so like? and all i asked is for him to tell me if he's with people it's not even like i don't trust him or whatever like i don't think he'd cheat on me but i wanna know who he is with or where he is i already agreed with no texting until 1am, but just wow. he couldn't handle me calling him out so he was going to kill himself lol so i did everything to talk him out of it but at some point i couldn't believe him, because in my gut, it's not that he would ctb — it's him trying to get rid of me so when nothing was working, he still wants to end his life, i said ok if you wanna die go die ill test run my SN rn.
i mean if he's able to fucking escape by death and leave me alone, abandoning me, why can't i do the same? i have more hardships than he does, what?
and person B is someone i used to talk to every day but now every other day at guilt consumes me bc i know he wants to be close to me but the time zones and my depression and irritability i don't wanna have a conversation with anyone period. even with my bf who i actually wanna talk to, we just sit in silencr
i was hanging out with boyfriends friend the other night cos bf caught some flu and the entire fucking time person C was just flirting with me and gearing it to something sexual when???? im literally complaining about the dead bedroom i have with my bf, why is flirting and sexual innuendos ur first reaction like i have learned to not even seek male validation anymore so getting you off is not my fucking job, tired of men.
i'm not even skinny anymore or young or pretty so what the actual fuck is wrong w men. and an ex friend of mine who got insanely hot / had a glow up keeps pushing to vc it's why i don't fucking wanna open discord dude another irl said creepy comments like oh is it weird im imagining us fucking right now
bro you are my ex soulmates best friend yes it's weird like you know i lost all sense of meaning and purpose when my platonic soulmate committed suicide and my romantic soulmate cut me off bc he knew i had feelings for him and he can't return it bc he's the one who fell first a decade ago and i rejected him so when we tried, we still couldn't. ex soulmate had a long 3 year relationship but he's been pining for me for over 7 years but who cares right, now that Soul is gone, and my platonic soulmate is dead, there's nothing left to live for i mean my own BOYFRIEND HATES ME and his best buddy is FLIRTING W ME what is with the boyfriends friend trying to fuck their gfs? that's very un~bro-like of them anyways what do i know im just gonna disappear cos FUUUUCK THIS SHIT BRUH
