i cant hang on

[bluejane]

I hate this. I just want someone in this world that needs me the way I need them. I hate spending each Friday crying in my bed while my boyfriend and all my friends that are barely friends at this point and my brother and my mom go on smiling and laughing and living with all the people they hold closer than me. I hate that Im the only one left in this house at the end of every day because everyone else has someone waiting for them. I want to keep holding myself at the surface for my family and the one friend that seems to love me back but I haven't seen in a year because she was sent away. Its just so hard. Its so selfish for my mom to say that if I kill myself she'll just follow in my steps when she has a boyfriend she spends every day with and plenty of friends to keep her company. I know it would break her so I guess theres no perfect option. I want more than anything to go away forever and put this intolerable loneliness to an end because Im tired. Im tired of waking up each day and in trying again, calling again with no reply, reaching out to silence, waiting to feel something good that lasts and never comes. Maybe a car will hit me by some miracle and save me from this life that I am too sensitive to end by my own hand.

 

[Ghost2211]

I understand and empathize about feeling just exhausted and lonely all the time. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to, sending hugs.