I can try as much recovery as I want my life wants me to ctb

[noname223]

I currently try to alleviate my pain by doing more positive activities. It helped the last 2 weeks. However this is a house of cards. One wind blow and everything is ruined. I have the feeling I deceive myself. Deep down I know there is no future or hope for me.

There is so much horror awaiting me in the future. I cannot comprehend how I sometimes even can enjoy parts of my life. I really try to be like this. My parents deceive themselves all the time. (Everything gets good in the end. In order to avoid their guilty conscience.) I need some parts of their naivety.

 

[brokenwaves]

i really feel this, sometimes life just seems against us in every way. no matter how hard we fight, it's just determined to kick us back down

 

[FuneralCry]

Living can be painful, it can be hard to carry on when we know things will get worse in the future. I think ctb is my fate. In a way I would rather see things how they really are rather than live under some sort of delusion.