I almost did it

[21stcenturycamus]

I almost did it yesterday night. I made the drink and all. However, I aborted. I don't really know why. Given how drunk I was, it was probably going to fail. On the other hand, SI was not much of a problem. I just thought I should stay a while longer. It was not the time for me. But this morning I woke up and I just despise myself so much to making such a fool of myself. I hate being alive and I hate the circumstances and the shitty life that put me in this course.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Don't beat yourself up about it. I have failed before too. I was so sure I was ready to go but I woke up the morning I was planning on doing it and couldn't. There were other times as well.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sure many of us have been in a similar position where we did not go through with it. Of course the option to ctb is always there for if/when the time is right for you, there is no rush, but I understand it can be a dreadful feeling to hate being alive. I have never wanted to be alive and every day there is so much dread. I'm sorry you are going through this. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Depressed Cat]

Don't regret the aborted attempt. Maybe it just wasn't time for you to CTB.

I hope you think it out very carefully again before you make another preparation. Whatever you choose, I wish you the best.

 

[whywaitfortheworst]

wondering about the drink. if anyone can point me towards the info that's missing now without violating the terms, i'd much appreciate it.

 

[Lost Magic]

See I worry about failure too. I have never really had any serious attempts before so I don't know what to expect. I only have 100 grams of Sodium Nitrite so I better make it count.