How Good Were Your Parents?

[vanillamilkshakes]

Interesting video.

 

[enough of this]

My parents were good people - intelligent, talented, and had no earthly idea how to raise kids. They were nothing but wounded children, themselves and did a lot of damage. They had 4 kids, and left an awful lot of unscrambling to be done.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

My parents were good people - intelligent, talented, and had no earthly idea how to raise kids. They were nothing but wounded children, themselves and did a lot of damage. They had 4 kids, and left an awful lot of unscrambling to be done.

My situation is similar to yours; both my parents are decent people, educated, etc. But they shouldn't have had me. They didn't discuss how to raise me beforehand, which led to a lot of conflict and often left me stuck between both of them. My dad began to resent me. I think he saw my mother in me.

 

[Dark Moon]

They didn't abuse me which is a good thing but I think they failed me, they even said that.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

My mom tried her best. She never wanted to be a parent, and I forgive her for that. My dad on the other hand...

 

[Irisse]

They were fine. Not without their flaws but they tried their best and actually had the resources needed to raise a child. They are just too trusting and naive so they didn't believe me when I told them about the abuse I went through at the hands of my classmates. Tbh I forgive them.

 

[gunmetalblue]

My response is kind of a downer, they never should have had a kid. Not that I was planned or conceived during a consensual act. My mother in her heart is a good person, sweet, kind, but she had a had life were manipulation was necessary to survive. I'm not going to get into my father, I'll only say he was a soldier, is and had only known violence. A disaster truly. They are soulmates for the worst of ways.

 

[Drogon]

Best I could have asked for , I'm very lucky. I feel horrible for failing them

 

[snow_in_summer]

My dad kinda just trained me to be ashamed of myself or what I was interested in as a kid so yeah, that took a long time to get over

 

[ABadPerson]

Neither wanted a child, so I was a mistake.
I don't remember my father but he was a doctor that was extremely abusive/hateful to me and my mother apparently, but after his arrest my mother just turned all of her hatred onto me as we ended up homeless (she never worked in her life and relies on benefits/council housing after he left) and forced to stay in that relationship because of my existence; so she just turned out just as abusive emotionally and physically, and considered me as a devil's spawn as a devout Christian.

She's better now, I guess she thinks I have a 'future' so I am worth investing in recent years but I don't have any opinions on her.
I'm gonna quit talking now as this is offtopic, but yeah not so great

 

[TwistedNightmares]

My parents were awful. One was completely absent and just didn't care about me, and the other was both emotionally and physically abusive. Even now I still am getting emotionally abused almost daily by the same parent.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

I rarely see this form of parenting being covered, so I'd figure it would be helpful to add it. My parents were fear mongers. They would watch the news and believe that was reality, or they'd take their reality and think of it as a current reality, even when it's not. My life's purpose is just to avoid the things they taught me to be scared of.

 

[Lest3]

Good enough for it to be not their fault

 

[Spite]

I think my mother tried her best and she is a good parent. She tried to help me get through school knowing I had a very hard time there. She sought out support groups and resources to help manage my autism diagnosis in childhood. She gifted me with things that made me happy. I do love my mother. If she was abusive to me in the same way my father was, I imagine I would have already ended my life a long time ago.

My father, on the other hand, is probably genuinely one of the worst human beings to inhabit the country I live in. Millions of citizens here and my father easily qualifies for the bottom 0.01% percentile if we were to try to quantify everyone based on how "good" or "bad" they are (I know that's impossible to do, I'm just trying to get a point across that my father is a horrific, vile, treacherous human being). I sometimes feel disgusted and utterly repulsed at the thought that I am his spawn - that he allowed me to exist. Such a horrible man created me, and that scares me a lot.

 

[beyond.space]

they are amazing, everything a kid could want. unfortunately, i was a disappointment, i could never tell them how grateful i am and how sorry i feel that they've sacrificed so much only for me to end up hurting myself and having a miserable, lonely life. they deserved such a better child, like an adopted orphan who would have been so much happier to feel their love..

 

[679chocolates]

they did well even though it was their first time living and being parents, i can only hope if i ever become a parent that i can be better than they ever were.

 

[khairan]

My father was a pathetic psychopath who was too afraid to step up (both as a father and as a proper psycho, killing defenseless animals and abusing his family instead). He left us the house and left the country for most of my life because my mom had him by the balls and he is a cowardly little bitch.
My mother was a lazy and neglectful alcoholic parent who never cared to guide us through life and let me and our siblings to figure out life on our own. Can't say she's a bad person but she's definitely a shit parent and my siblings and I are pretty much failures in life.

My older sister is an insufferable and selfish borderline personality whom I hate with a passion and who will be forever alone because she's extremely conflictive and religiously fanatical, my older brother a frustrated genius with sexual deviances whose great intellect never served him for anything useful, my other now deceased sister had pathological relationships where she hooked up with losers so she could treat them literally like 'putas'. She was ill advised by one of her partners on health matters (she religiously believed everything he said despite the shithead was a proven pathological liar) and by the time she had health studies her cancer was too advanced and took her in 2020.
The remaining brother is the only one who turned out relatively normal. He grew up pretty much around his street savy friends and he's always been sociable and smart at doing business. He lives abroad and despite some family issues he's doing relatively well.

As for me? I'm a pathetic loser who wasted a lot of opportunities in a combination of great ego and lack of proper adult advice. I've always been alone and I've been sexually abused by my grandmother and forced to crossdress. Even though I despise that I'm an autogynephile that's the only thing that turns me on
I was deprived from ever having a romantic relationship because furry transformation is the fetish I got yet never wanted so even if I like women I can't get going unless I am the one playing female.
The only thing I can take pride off is that I'm 33 and so far this messed up sexuality of mine never bled out into real life.
Still... pretty much an irrecoverable fuck up.

I believe the results speak for themselves regarding the quality of parenting my siblings and I suffered.

Summary: A family that should have never happened. At least none of us -so far- turned out criminal or drug addict so 2/10 garbage parents.

 

[Lady_V]

My mother is a cruel drunken narcissist who opened her legs for any man. My father is a mess of an alcoholic man who puts cats in dumpsters for fun and was on the run for, what he thought at the time, murder around the time I was born. Years later he found out the people he thought he killed survived. Out of the two, my father was my favorite and the only love I've ever known.

 

[itsgone2]

Not good. Didnt parent. Tense household, dad always mad. Then distant. Then passed away young. I'll give mom credit for recovering and finding a life after that. Strong for that. But never really did anything to raise me and did some cruel things later. Overall not good. And I've carried it forward. Nothing but regret now

 

[mjolnir]

Overall they were good, they did what they could with what they had, I don't blame them for my frustrations.

 

[Quantum_Marten0302]

Very bad and i blame them for everything

 

[madameviolette]

Rather good. I won't accuse my parents for my failures cause I feel like I'm responsible for everything that happened to me. And most of the good things that happened to me came from my parents. The bad things came from my decisions. Although my mom was quite absent as a mother and closed off emotionally. She had phases where she'd imply I'm stupid or weak. My father was short-tempered and genuinely scared me sometimes but he had good intentions. I only wish I had more reassurance and physical touch. I was clingy as a child and fearful.

Idk tbh I felt like a stranger in my family

 

[Wishingforadream]

Not good. I don't believe they were that bad in comparison to others but they definitely have problems.
I can't really remember most of my childhood due to dissociating a lot but I'll try my best.

My mother is for lack of a better term a narcissist, Unable to accept any criticism without it being a personal attack, constant guilt tripping, "Unconditional love" that's actually very conditional. I don't want to misuse this but, she is emotionally manipulative. Her problems are often my fault, her "depression" is because I don't show her enough love or interact with the family. Another problem is I'm never believed over others.
I vividly remember getting screamed at due to my younger cousin just blatantly lying about something I didn't do, even trying to prove myself I wasn't believed. Only a day after did I get something like an apology of course it was blamed on alcohol instead of personal responsibility.

Now my father is quite good except for some minor flaws.

Other than occasionally being emotionally distant and getting irrationally angry over relatively small things.

Now I believe they did their best. In regards to the support i needed during school i had everything i needed.
Supported my interests.

They did well for everything other than both theirs and my emotions
Overall they were good for everything outside that.

 

[iwanttodie019]

The best kind of parents that I could ask for

 

[FoxSauce]

Well mom is complicated but she tried her best to raise us. Ofc shes not the best at bonding or being empathetic really. I dont trust her

Dad left..did the best he could emotionally but financially is something else. I dont hold that agaisnt him tho. I care deeply for him tho

I just wish they were there more but shit happens. Like OP said moslty wounded children dealing with their om shit storm.

 

[tiltedcompass]

My dad was abusive, and left when I was a child. On the other hand, I remember my mom as kind and overprotective. She made me understand that we were poor and I couldn't afford most of the things I wanted. She also encouraged me to do many activities like dancing, drawing which I still do, etc. Despite my mom being young and with little experience in life, she worked very hard to give me a good childhood.

Now, let's just say that my mom changed. She had high expectations for me in an academic sense (high IQ and all that), so when I started becoming suicidal, she got angry and pressured me to study and to be like the other kids.
She's disappointed in me as I ended up becoming a neet (in fact, she admitted that she sees me as a parasite), is annoyed because we don't have enough money but understands that my mental health needs some improvement.

Overall, she does love me to a certain point. Less than when I was younger of course, but I'm still her child.

 

[meiherasayuri]

nobody it´s perfect

 

[LoveandCerulean]

So unfathomably abusive, I'm pretty sure there are a lot of psychologists out there who would salivate at using my experience for case study lol.

 

[DarkJason]

I don't think they were outright abusive or anything, so that's good, but they still should have never reproduced with their shitty genes and mental immaturity.

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

That was an interesting video, thanks. There were things I never thought about before, at least not in that way.

I think a lot of the issues I have with my parents could be explained by "attunement". I feel like my mother could always get down to my level as a child and in a way could never stop, it still comes through sometimes. Whereas I feel my father couldn't and basically always treated me like an adult, I remember showing him a doodle around age 5 and he said something like "you should focus on a better career".

Another thing that stands out, my father was very intolerant of "strange phases". He yelled at me once for trying to tell him a joke.

I wasn't expecting ctb to be brought up explicitly... I wonder how many people ended up here because of "forgiveness".