I can't think of a better way to try and explain it right now, but the problem for me is that mindfulness is often presented in such a way to the struggling person that it is kind of like the conundrum: don't think of a pink elephant. They ironically draw your attention to the thing you're not supposed to be paying attention to, by framing mindfulness as a desperate do-or-die means of escape. Imagine a nightmare where you can't get closer to what you're trying to reach, or further from what you're trying to run from. Or like dividing by zero. It just becomes a frustrating loop.
The best thing for me was listening to Alan Watts videos and read his book "The Book, the taboo against knowing who you are."
The way he describes these sorts of phenomena, and his sense of humor, his parables, they unlocked something for me. Made me see all kinds of silly ironies and mental traps I'd never noticed before, and they were revealed to me in a fun way, an entertaining way, like a magic trick.
Of course, YMMV, and don't expect it to be a cure.
Also, there are many different approaches to mindfulness. Some people try the emptiness approach, the whole letting thoughts float away or whatever the hell. I would highly not recommend this to anyone who has dealt with derealization type stuff like I did from a bad drug trip. Thankfully, there are other people who practice mindfulness by FILLING (mindFUL) their mind in a productive and positive way, directing their focus and attention on something, and patiently redirecting their focus and attention back to the thing whenever it slips; the key to this one, in my experience, is to *not* beat yourself up. Again, it's a patient practice of redirecting your focus and attention back to the thing at hand. It's a *given* that you will need to redirect your focus and attention; that's... part of the process, not indicative of any failure. Mindfulness for me is not so much a destination, because the moment you make it your destination, you have tricked yourself into thinking mindfulness is not where you are right now.
I most often experience mindfulness, as I understand it, when I manage to enter flow-state when working on a creative project, playing a video game, reading a good book, listening to music, playing a sport, doing a physical activity, or going to the gym. Mindfulness is too often described as some mysterious woo-woo Shaolin Monk artform that automatically makes it feel faraway and inaccessible and unknowable. It's not. Overthinking or overcomplicating mindfulness is a surefire path to frustration.
EDIT: and finally, I have seen some people approach mindfulness by not running or pulling away, but leaning *in.* Sitting with your thoughts. Acknowledging them. Contemplating if they are hurting you, if you are hurting yourself, if you are allowing them to hurt you, whether you need to allow them to hurt you. Not passing judgment on your thoughts, but simply trying to understand them. For this, I imagine a Chinese finger trap toy. The human instinct is oh crap my fingers are stuck, I need to pull them out, and this makes it worse and you start to panic. The solution is counter-intuitive, to press inward, a kind of embrace or acceptance. It's like a child who has learned they are only heard if they kick and shout. If you'd prefer your mind doesn't use negative attention-seeking behaviors, then reward your mind and teach it that you will hear what it has to say when it speaks to you plainly and calmly. Because like many children, the more you ignore them the louder they will eventually become.
