Hey, it’s been a while

[acaiblueberry]

I joined this after I saw Tantacruel's video because I wanted to see it for my self instead of relying on a third party source. And, I liked what I saw. It was a way to express how I feel without people just telling me "it gets better" or providing phone numbers I can Google myself.

Then, I stopped posting. I'd occasionally log back in to check on things, but I was mostly gone. I don't really remember why I left.

I've now been without stable housing for a year. Around every 3 months, I get really suicidal. In October, I was hospitalized because of two different failed attempts. Luckily, both were assumed accidental, so I didn't have to go to the psych ward after I was released.

I'm doing a little better now though. This week I was having some thoughts, but I haven't attempted or made steps towards attempting. I'm also back to a healthy weight in my anorexia recovery. Which has been even harder because I'm very sick right now and have trouble keeping down food, but I'm slowly getting better.

I think I might be active here for a little bit again. Being here in a way makes me feel less suicidal. It reminds me that other people feel the way I do. It lets me talk about stuff without feeling ashamed.

 

[timf]

Sometimes life's vicissitudes can make one feel alone and isolated. You should know that you don't have to go it alone. The world in general is breaking down and relational connections are getting both less deep and less frequent. However, there are pockets of people with whom you can still connect.