Help me.

[Suicidal]

I feel so overwhelmed and confused. I have a plan and I already have my drugs with me, I have 24 grams of propranolol and I have 5 grams of amitriptyline and I have metoclopramide. I also can get midazolam IV. But I still feel so scared that it won't work. Should I just do it with chloroquine alone? It's in the books too, but I don't know what to do. Do you think this will work? I feel so overwhelmed. Please give me your opinion on this plan and if someone has any experience attempting with any of these drugs, please tell me. I can't stop overthinking and getting desperate. I just want to end this. The books/medical reports/etc. say it will work but my mind says I will fail.

 

[jodes2]

Common sense tells me it would be better not to just use chloroquine. The more the better? Synergies may come into effect to help with lethality but I don't know anything about those drugs in particular, maybe someone else can tell you more

 

[Suicidal]

Common sense tells me it would be better not to just use chloroquine. The more the better? Synergies may come into effect to help with lethality but I don't know anything about those drugs in particular, maybe someone else can tell you more

Chloroquine on its own is a method in the PP books and others, and I've done research too and nobody has survived the dose I have. But I'm scared. I don't know if it's my brain messing with me again to keep me here suffering or what. I feel so lost. I just want to die. I'm getting thrown out next week. I need to do this this week.

 

[jodes2]

As long as it's on PP, that's great. It sounds like your SI is kicking in big time if you've already researched it in PP. Hopefully others can come forward too to help you overcome your fear. It sounds like you're doing it by the book, literally, so you shouldn't have anything to fear

 

[wljourney]

Chloroquine on its own is a method in the PP books and others, and I've done research too and nobody has survived the dose I have. But I'm scared. I don't know if it's my brain messing with me again to keep me here suffering or what. I feel so lost. I just want to die. I'm getting thrown out next week. I need to do this this week.

I am so very sorry that you are so pressured time wise.
Usually it takes a while to overcome your survival instinct, but it's even more difficult if you aren't quite ready to CTB yet and are on a schedule like this.

Sorry I can't tell you much about any of your chosen drugs/methods.
Hope someone who has looked into this can add their opinion.
Maybe @SofterSoftest can talk about amitriptylene?

 

[Suicidal]

I am so very sorry that you are so pressured time wise.
Usually it takes a while to overcome your survival instinct, but it's even more difficult if you aren't quite ready to CTB yet and are on a schedule like this.

Sorry I can't tell you much about any of your chosen drugs/methods.
Hope someone who has looked into this can add their opinion.
Maybe @SofterSoftest can talk about amitriptylene?

I am ready, but I am just so scared that it won't work, but I am definitely on a schedule, it has to be this week. If I knew exactly what's going to happen, how long until I lose consciousness. But obviously there's no specific answer to that because it depends on so many things.

As long as it's on PP, that's great. It sounds like your SI is kicking in big time if you've already researched it in PP. Hopefully others can come forward too to help you overcome your fear. It sounds like you're doing it by the book, literally, so you shouldn't have anything to fear

I've done so much research and I'm still doubting. Someone I know did in fact die from propranolol and chloroquine overdose (270 pills of propranolol and 60 chloroquine) last month, I have way more than that. And still I'm terrified I'll just fail.

 

[wljourney]

I am ready, but I am just so scared that it won't work, but I am definitely on a schedule, it has to be this week. If I knew exactly what's going to happen, how long until I lose consciousness. But obviously there's no specific answer to that because it depends on so many things.

I've done so much research and I'm still doubting. Someone I know did in fact die from propranolol and chloroquine overdose (270 pills of propranolol and 60 chloroquine) last month, I have way more than that. And still I'm terrified I'll just fail.

Yes, I can see you are well prepared and have read everything you can to make this work.
It sounds that this is your brain doing what it is hardwired to do: keeping you alive, no matter what.
Sharing here with us and sitting with it on your own may help to get through this.
Look at the doubts that you are having and compare them to everything you have to set against them.

Often, when we get overwhelmed by doubts, questioning ourselves it can help to repeat a mantra.
Something like "I am well prepared. I have thought of everything and done everything I can."

Another option is to read the PPeH section again and check off everything, making a visual "receipt" for yourself, proving yourself that you have everything set up as best as possible.

 

[Suicidal]

Yes, I can see you are well prepared and have read everything you can to make this work.
It sounds that this is your brain doing what it is hardwired to do: keeping you alive, no matter what.
Sharing here with us and sitting with it on your own may help to get through this.
Look at the doubts that you are having and compare them to everything you have to set against them.

Often, when we get overwhelmed by doubts, questioning ourselves it can help to repeat a mantra.
Something like "I am well prepared. I have thought of everything and done everything I can."

Another option is to read the PPeH section again and check off everything, making a visual "receipt" for yourself, proving yourself that you have everything set up as best as possible.

Thank you so much for this. I feel like I have no way out even despite the fact that I really have done all I can possibly do. I will read the books again and the other materials I have to do what you suggested. I wish my brain wouldn't make this harder.

 

[wljourney]

Thank you so much for this. I feel like I have no way out even despite the fact that I really have done all I can possibly do. I will read the books again and the other materials I have to do what you suggested. I wish my brain wouldn't make this harder.

Yes, our brains are quite amazing creatures, right?
They can inflict so much incredibly agonizing pain and seem to be thriving when we struggle.

Right now your brain is fighting itself.
One little neuron against another.
Wielding axes and swords and bringing out the big guns.

Sending love