Have you told people you're close to how you feel?

[Stormo]

I'm considering telling the 2 closest people to me how I'm feeling and my thoughts to ctb soon. I am curious if anyone has told someone they're close to and how they reacted?

Of course no 2 people are the same. I'm not sure what kind of reaction I'd get.my best friend already knows I'm suicidal along with other things. The other knows about my C-PTSD and struggles with depression but I'm unsure he knows the extent.

The past few years have been difficult yet eye opening for me. I can really feel that the world and society is about to have some big changes, not for the better. I haven't felt true enjoyment or happiness in years; sometimes I question if I ever did. I am seriously considering ctb before the end of this year.

One coping mechanism I had in mid teens was always planning something to look forward to, to keep me going. I have planned to go to a spa and Michelin restaurant for my birthday which is about a month away. After this I have nothing to look forward to.

Maybe I seek empathy or compassion by telling people how I feel? I don't really know my motive behind telling them. I just want to.

I'm just curious, how have people reacted when you told them how you really feel? Or do you all keep it to yourself and why?

 

[tend a dead garden]

Having CTPSD myself alot of people who know me know that I've obviously struggled alot . If they know you well they should know that just living is very difficult with CTPSD as getting any effective treatment is very difficult.

Telling someone that you intend to CTB can elicit a caring response in that they express concern and will want to talk in a caring way.
Or it can elicit an angry response, a "why are you telling me, your making me responsible if you do anything!"

even if you know these people well it's difficult to guess what the result of telling them would be. But if it's something your thinking of I would say to think about doing it if your CTB is coming soon as you don't want to go with thing's left unsaid, or at least i wouldn't. Even though i don't tell people in real life about wanting to let go, if i had a definitive date i would defiantly consider reaching out to at least one person.

Hope this is of some help

 

[akiyama346]

I told them once and they yelled at me and told me "I'm threatening them" and that I'm selfish

 

[Stormo]

I told them once and they yelled at me and told me "I'm threatening them" and that I'm selfish

Sounds like awful people tbh. I hate the whole view that suicide is selfish. I don't think it's selfish to put an end to suffering.

In my experience, the same people who call it selfish do not try to help the person with depression. I find it selfish that people expect us to stay alive for their sake.

Maybe that was worded badly, sorry I am tired but those are my general thoughts around that idea. It is the view of suicide I like the least.

Having CTPSD myself alot of people who know me know that I've obviously struggled alot . If they know you well they should know that just living is very difficult with CTPSD as getting any effective treatment is very difficult.

Telling someone that you intend to CTB can elicit a caring response in that they express concern and will want to talk in a caring way.
Or it can elicit an angry response, a "why are you telling me, your making me responsible if you do anything!"

even if you know these people well it's difficult to guess what the result of telling them would be. But if it's something your thinking of I would say to think about doing it if your CTB is coming soon as you don't want to go with thing's left unsaid, or at least i wouldn't. Even though i don't tell people in real life about wanting to let go, if i had a definitive date i would defiantly consider reaching out to at least one person.

Hope this is of some help

Thank you! I'm sorry that you also struggle with C-PTSD. yes, treatment is extremely difficult to even access. I've been trying for almost 5 years now. I have been turned away due to history of drug use or the extent of my trauma. When I finally found an organisation that helped, I had to move for work. When I returned they refuse to treat me. I am done reaching out for therapy now. I will be sure to write and document this in my note, just so people are well aware that my country's healthcare system truly failed me.

I tried to read a Pete Walker book, it was quite useful and id recommend you to read it as well, if you would like to understand your brain/mind more and try to heal. I haven't finished it yet as things in life have become stressful too.

Thank you for sharing your experience and advise though! The person I am thinking of telling is usually void of emotion, unless he is angry at me for trivial things. It is hard to imagine his response. Maybe it's for the best I do not tell him.

 

[Jisatsu]

I kinda act out and my attempts are usually very known. Everyone knows and it's at the point were they seem more and more like they don't care.

 

[jag1]

They don't get it and just say that stupid quote that it's a temporary solution for a temporary problem and other invalidating comments. I wish it was easier to CTB so we wouldn't even have to discuss these things and just do what we feel is right for us. Unfortunately I've learned it's harder to CTB than it seems. I've tried every method except SN cause it is impossible to find and I haven't had any success and there's nothing I want more than to opt out.

 

[knickknack81]

I have only told my therapist and he was basically "thats sad, you'll get over it. if not, go to the hospital". So that really didn't go anywhere. But I haven't told any of my close friends or family. The later I am not very close with anymore and for the few friends I am close with, they know because of changes in my life that I am sad and have bad days but not to the point that I am considering CTB. I think the reasons I dont tell them are a mix of I dont want to burden them and make them worry and for some of them, I hate to make them blame themselves as a few of the people I am close to might blame themselves for me thinking this way (which I dont blame anyone for what has happened to my life and the thoughts I have). And really, what could they do? They can say they are sorry I feel this way and please dont do anything and things will improve. And I appreciate that but it really doesn't add up to much. So yeah, I dont believe I will tell anyone the thoughts and struggles and I have and if I do go ahead with CTB, I think it will come as a shock to them and they will feel sad but what can I say. It is what it is.

 

[Manga]

therapy is the biggest waste of time i have had they dont care

I have only told my therapist and he was basically "thats sad, you'll get over it. if not, go to the hospital". So that really didn't go anywhere. But I haven't told any of my close friends or family. The later I am not very close with anymore and for the few friends I am close with, they know because of changes in my life that I am sad and have bad days but not to the point that I am considering CTB. I think the reasons I dont tell them are a mix of I dont want to burden them and make them worry and for some of them, I hate to make them blame themselves as a few of the people I am close to might blame themselves for me thinking this way (which I dont blame anyone for what has happened to my life and the thoughts I have). And really, what could they do? They can say they are sorry I feel this way and please dont do anything and things will improve. And I appreciate that but it really doesn't add up to much. So yeah, I dont believe I will tell anyone the thoughts and struggles and I have and if I do go ahead with CTB, I think it will come as a shock to them and they will feel sad but what can I say. It is what it is.

 

[knickknack81]

therapy is the biggest waste of time i have had they dont care

I will say it has helped me with certain issues I have had but there are definitely times when I am like "whats the point of this?" which is how I feel when I have brought up this situation.

 

[Stormo]

They don't get it and just say that stupid quote that it's a temporary solution for a temporary problem and other invalidating comments. I wish it was easier to CTB so we wouldn't even have to discuss these things and just do what we feel is right for us. Unfortunately I've learned it's harder to CTB than it seems. I've tried every method except SN cause it is impossible to find and I haven't had any success and there's nothing I want more than to opt out.

Yeah that's what I'm worried responses may be. If not then a lack of care or an overreaction.

I've only tried OD on many different medications. The next time I attempt ctb I think I will be jumping from somewhere other people have succeeded or stab myself. I think the pain would turn to bliss after a while and the loss of blood would make me feel high?

If you've tried these methods I'm interested to hear your experience if you don't mind sharing?

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I'm considering telling the 2 closest people to me how I'm feeling and my thoughts to ctb soon. I am curious if anyone has told someone they're close to and how they reacted?

Of course no 2 people are the same. I'm not sure what kind of reaction I'd get.my best friend already knows I'm suicidal along with other things. The other knows about my C-PTSD and struggles with depression but I'm unsure he knows the extent.

The past few years have been difficult yet eye opening for me. I can really feel that the world and society is about to have some big changes, not for the better. I haven't felt true enjoyment or happiness in years; sometimes I question if I ever did. I am seriously considering ctb before the end of this year.

One coping mechanism I had in mid teens was always planning something to look forward to, to keep me going. I have planned to go to a spa and Michelin restaurant for my birthday which is about a month away. After this I have nothing to look forward to.

Maybe I seek empathy or compassion by telling people how I feel? I don't really know my motive behind telling them. I just want to.

I'm just curious, how have people reacted when you told them how you really feel? Or do you all keep it to yourself and why?

Let me tell you of a story so I hope you will feel better after reading this.

I know of this very hateful racist who called this black man some real foul names - sub Saharan baboo, boon, black cunt, cunt, ugly cunt. Illegal monkey and all those other horrific names.

That was even the first time I heard someone refeffing to someone as "sub Saharan" what a horrible insult and the first time this hateful racist said this I was in shock because why did he have to call him those degrading names to someone who he was speaking to and it clicked because he feels he is superior to black people because this same racist called me a boon bitch, black stain and the day I broke up with him he told me he hated coming to pick me up because my aria was filled with Asians and Blacks and mind you one of his so called "best friend" is Asian! This crazy man when I told him I was going to tell her about him hating Asian he threatened me and took my mums house keys and said if I tell her he will burn my mums house.

So this racist is a closeted gay man and all the time he would be turning and tossing because he was so miserable of being in the closet. He also wanted to transition to become a woman so he is so full of hate and because he is so hateful he is always coming after me because he is very miserable he is 32 and still denying being gay. He had told me his dream was to live with his partner. I heard he is still lying and denying being gay.

Even though I hate this man part of me pity him because he will never be in love and be loved back because he doesn't like women and he only uses them as a cover and also his ex said he always talked to her like he was superior to her ( she was also black) he is the one who sent me screenshots of their conversations.

Imagine being this hateful because of not being himself and denying his identity because he can't come out now because that will end up proving his lies and what not. So it is just what it is. That's life.

And this man that he racially abused is a lost cause because he dances with the racist openly and proving his point of having self hate issues because no one Rhys loves themself will ever be called those degrading names and still be in a company with the same person.

I how my story made you see life in a different perspective yeah.

Thanks

 

[MicahBell]

I'm considering telling the 2 closest people to me how I'm feeling and my thoughts to ctb soon. I am curious if anyone has told someone they're close to and how they reacted?

Of course no 2 people are the same. I'm not sure what kind of reaction I'd get.my best friend already knows I'm suicidal along with other things. The other knows about my C-PTSD and struggles with depression but I'm unsure he knows the extent.

The past few years have been difficult yet eye opening for me. I can really feel that the world and society is about to have some big changes, not for the better. I haven't felt true enjoyment or happiness in years; sometimes I question if I ever did. I am seriously considering ctb before the end of this year.

One coping mechanism I had in mid teens was always planning something to look forward to, to keep me going. I have planned to go to a spa and Michelin restaurant for my birthday which is about a month away. After this I have nothing to look forward to.

Maybe I seek empathy or compassion by telling people how I feel? I don't really know my motive behind telling them. I just want to.

I'm just curious, how have people reacted when you told them how you really feel? Or do you all keep it to yourself and why?

i never told them, but my friend told my mother years ago. she was really mad and asked me "did you ever think of your family?" she never brought it up again. i think she believes that her own belief that suicide is selfish will prevent me from doing it.

 

[idk3]

I told my Mom then she cried a bit and wanted me to move back home.

A few days later she told me that she found a nice treatment center, so we talked and I agreed to go for 90 days. I knew it wouldn't help much, but I wanted to make her feel like she and I both tried our best.

I'm glad I did tell her in hindsight because now we are still pretty open about it, and I don't think it will be as hard on her when the time comes.

 

[jag1]

Yeah that's what I'm worried responses may be. If not then a lack of care or an overreaction.

I've only tried OD on many different medications. The next time I attempt ctb I think I will be jumping from somewhere other people have succeeded or stab myself. I think the pain would turn to bliss after a while and the loss of blood would make me feel high?

If you've tried these methods I'm interested to hear your experience if you don't mind sharing?

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/non-methods-that-should-not-be-attempted.177799/

I wouldn't do stabbing personally. It's harder than you think and I'm sure the body would not react so well to you doing it. I've thought about it.

OD is unlikely to work and you'll just be ill and throw up.

Jumping would be to be from a lethal height or you'll just end up paralyzed and wishing it worked. Unfortunately there's no easy option. I feel like gun is probably the fastest but it isn't perfect either, you have to aim well and getting a gun isn't too easy. I wish CTB was easier. I tried hanging. Once I got to the point of passing out but I probably had the body movement because I woke up on the floor and the anchor point I had used was broken and next to me. I wouldn't mind trying again if only I could get to that point of passing out quick but it doesn't seem so easy when I've tried other anchor points like the closet. The Angle was very painful and I was not passing out. I tried ligature strangulation and couldn't get myself to pass out. Just felt like my head was going to explode.

Best of luck. Wishing peace for us all.

 

[usernamesarehard]

I have told one person. The usual happened, any reason I brought up as to why I was suicidal and wanted to ctb, he had a rebuttal. He also blocked me because he was tired of dealing with me. He eventually stressed himself out worrying about me. I didn't reply to a few of his texts and he called/texted a bunch of people who also knew me (including my mom) asking if I was ok. He's blocked and unblocked me many times, that situation was one time he did. I don't talk about it with him. I'm not talking about it with anyone.

I told my therapist, but now she's checking in and wants to schedule sessions more often. I kinda feel smothered/ trapped and wish I didn't talk about it. I might give up therapy for a bit again.

Not everyone has the same reaction, but personally I'll never tell anyone again. I'll just do what I usually do, say everything's fine even if it isn't.

 

[hippiedeath]

I tell people now hoping to fulfill all the usual requirements of suicide. I'm gonna be a textbook suicide. Mental illness: check. Talked about dying and wanting to kill himself: check. Made a plan and got the means: check. Drug and alcohol use increased: check. Reckless behavior: check. Gave shit away that he loved: check. Detached from everyone: check. Had no relationship or job: check.

 

[PixelAngel]

My experiences telling others truthfully all involve things getting much worse for me. Telling others redacted or softened versions gets me either avoided or never being taken seriously. At minimum, people don't know what to do. Sometimes it means they begin thinking of me as dangerous to be close to, protecting themselves from feeling sad if the worst happens by getting rid of me entirely, can't be sad if we stopped being friends.

At worst, I told a friend, who found where I was and stopped me and made me promise to talk to family, who then forced me inpatient and immediately kicked me out, leaving me homeless. And after those inpatient stays everyone knew what happened to me, and so even the people I didn't tell started treating me as a risk, a pitiable charity case, a burden, or even a project to be fixed. Guess what that did for my depression and loneliness.

Should people be open to telling loved ones? I think yes for obvious recovery or support potential reasons, but everyone's situations and safety are different. My experiences are not universal, but they have taught me that if successful CTB is my ultimate goal, telling nobody is safer for me, because telling one bought me ten years of trying, only to leave me more alone than I've ever been in an already extremely lonely life.

First comment, hooray me. Time to take anxiety meds because even commenting in this anonymous community space makes me panic a little.

 

[closetoyou]

i love being told to open up about how i feel when most people are just completely useless in actually helping or even caring that much

 

[lament.]

Yes. Not exactly a close friend, but used to be somewhat, I told a friend as our friendship ended because I wanted to be forthcoming on why I wasn't reaching out to them and why I was being a pretty shit friend. We had a pretty lengthy convo but in short their response was basically forgiving me and we both talked about our struggles with suicide (in the past they had moderate suicidal ideation) and they tried to encourage me to keep going on and essentially encouraged slow recovery. I have not spoken to them since.

This is probably the best response I will ever get from any friend or family member I will ever tell and I'm glad I did tell them because even though our friendship still ended (not that I was trying to get it back together by telling them, I genuinely just wanted to be truthful and made that clear - they understood and offered to keep the friendship but more casual but I never took them up on that) it's cemented the fact that even someone who was once moderately considering suicide will not just take what you say at face value and accept it, they will still try to impart their wisdom upon you. Still, I am not angry or anything at their response and I thought it was nice all things considered, they definitely did their best to understand and relate, but it doesn't leave me with much hope for telling friends who have never even been depressed, let alone thought of suicide.

 

[deep-sleeper]

I talked about my feeling to most people close to and I just end my feeling like shit, because they don't know how to handle them

 

[FoxSauce]

Well depends. My parents? No. Family? The less the better. Freinds ? Really picky with that. I try not to tho

 

[MyShadow]

I shared my thoughts about suicide with three people. These were the people whom I thought cared about me enough to listen and help.

The first person was my girlfriend, and she said, "I can't subscribe to this" and disappeared. The other two listened for a bit and said to "I'll be there no matter what". But I haven't heard from them since. Be prepared for the same reaction. I am afraid to tell anyone else because I am already isolated socially.

After these disappointing interactions, I come to realize that nobody really cares enough to help or truly listen. I will never truly find peace in this lifetime so, I will move forward with ending my life.

I don't want anyone to interfere with my plans so won't share with anyone else. This is why I am grateful for this forum. I can share the darkness I feel, my pain and my plan and can do so without judgement. Thank you for that.

 

[MissAbyss]

Yes, one person knows that I am suicidal and that I have already made arrangements.

 

[CandyCane]

I'm fairly open about being suicidal. People tend to make it about themselves.

 

[azoidant]

I've stopped bothering to talk about my feelings to my family for a few reasons. 1) Their first response to any mention of depression is always to try to convince me to find yet another therapist and get on medication again. I've made it abundantly clear I'm done with that because I'd been in therapy and on several different medications for nearly a decade and it did not help. 2) My mom has spoken of involuntary hospitalization a few too many times for me to be comfortable talking to her anymore. 3) It always becomes about them. "I wouldn't be able to handle it, you can't do that to me." It gets tiring. I already feel guilty enough.

All honesty does is upset people and put me at risk of being hospitalized against my will. I just lie when I'm asked how I've been doing mentally atp because I know nobody wants to hear the real answer.

While super drunk I did once admit to a former friend (who I've now cut off for various reasons) that I had SN and had active intent to ctb within the month (at the time). When I got sober I really freaked out about what she might do. I even packed a bag in case she told my family and I had to quickly run away and ctb at a hotel somewhere to avoid my SN being taken and getting sectioned. I was really on edge for a while. But she never said anything about it to anyone. So that's nice.

 

[CandyCane]

I've stopped bothering to talk about my feelings to my family for a few reasons. 1) Their first response to any mention of depression is always to try to convince me to find yet another therapist and get on medication again. I've made it abundantly clear I'm done with that because I'd been in therapy and on several different medications for nearly a decade and it did not help. 2) My mom has spoken of involuntary hospitalization a few too many times for me to be comfortable talking to her anymore. 3) It always becomes about them. "I wouldn't be able to handle it, you can't do that to me." It gets tiring. I already feel guilty enough.

All honesty does is upset people and put me at risk of being hospitalized against my will. I just lie when I'm asked how I've been doing mentally atp because I know nobody wants to hear the real answer.

While super drunk I did once admit to a former friend (who I've now cut off for various reasons) that I had SN and had active intent to ctb within the month (at the time). When I got sober I really freaked out about what she might do. I even packed a bag in case she told my family and I had to quickly run away and ctb at a hotel somewhere to avoid my SN being taken and getting sectioned. I was really on edge for a while. But she never said anything about it to anyone. So that's nice.

This is the real threat. Involuntary hospitalization. I've been once, and I'd rather die than go back there. I'd probably try to get the cop taking me in to shoot me or something on the way.

 

[antithesis]

Recently I have talked to my best friend & roommate of many years (& soulmate?) about my all feelings, plans, details, anything related to suicide that I have thought about these past few weeks. The why's, the methods I contemplate. Everything.

Despite them not being depressed or suicidal, they have a pragmatic & pro-choice stance on the matter. They do feel sad for my suffering, and try to support, but it felt nice to hear them say "Your train of thoughts is rational and I understand why you keep coming back to this decision", instead of "No, don't go, life is great, we'll miss you all! You have so much more to offer!", and all the guilt-tripping and projecting some people receive.

My friend has been aware of my struggles with several mental affections and disabilities and have always supported me. More importantly, they're not judgmental.

So I feel like a very lucky person on the matter. Venting out to them actually made me feel better. Less isolated. More understood. I know now that I am not entirely alone in making this decision and that we can try to accommodate as much as we can, despite ctb being a possible scenario. Like sharing the mental load of it all.

Wish you all to find a special someone like this in your life. It helps tremendously.

 

[Malfunction]

I've admitted in the context that if I fall ill, to the extent that my life just amounts to suffering that I would rather die.

I've never mentioned any details otherwise, nor would I.

 

[Galam]

I just told my mother but she is a abusive alcoholic and disabled ugly poor woman, who was abandoned by her partner after he made her pregnant with two children.

I just ask why was I born this way and not at least rich like this ugly incest-guy from spain (Habsburg). As a ugly disabled guy you also have it better than a woman.

 

[Irisse]

My parents know but usually dismiss me. I told one friend and she stopped hanging out with me. I don't blame my parents though, I know they do love me but can't face the idea that they might outlive their child. I'm never telling anyone else again.