plough22
Living but not really, just surviving
- May 1, 2020
- 226
I don't know about anyone else but I find the thoughts/emotions so overwhelming and worst in the morning time. I was blamed for something that I didn't do and it set me on this self destructive path. I now deal with depression and PTSD, extreme negative thoughts. I don't enjoy the mornings, the heavy head, dullness and not wanting to take my head from the pillow. The safety of the bed and the blanket.
I have planned my method, have it all in place. No one but the rescue will see me. I never was like this but someone else venom abs vindictiveness. I am not afraid of dying or am I? I don't believe I am, but I'm afraid of failing cause that's the worst for me. That's what fears me, the fear of failing. Life would even be worst. The method I planned had to have a fail safe.
Living like this is a nightmare, one that getting tiring. I am getting tired of this every morning, 4 years of it.
I have tried every therapist, every medication, being on the cusp of being hospitalised. I want to see the light, but it's dark deep hole is tough to climb out from.
it's a continual fight and I'm losing, the thoughts of dying and my sense of hope is declining. Life is not getting better.
I hate my life I HATE MY LIFE, like others I am sure and all I want is some peace. Whichever way I get it. I hold to some hope life will change, I'm forever chasing. I miss the old me, I miss my old life. I want me back, give me strength to do what I must.
I have planned my method, have it all in place. No one but the rescue will see me. I never was like this but someone else venom abs vindictiveness. I am not afraid of dying or am I? I don't believe I am, but I'm afraid of failing cause that's the worst for me. That's what fears me, the fear of failing. Life would even be worst. The method I planned had to have a fail safe.
Living like this is a nightmare, one that getting tiring. I am getting tired of this every morning, 4 years of it.
I have tried every therapist, every medication, being on the cusp of being hospitalised. I want to see the light, but it's dark deep hole is tough to climb out from.
it's a continual fight and I'm losing, the thoughts of dying and my sense of hope is declining. Life is not getting better.
I hate my life I HATE MY LIFE, like others I am sure and all I want is some peace. Whichever way I get it. I hold to some hope life will change, I'm forever chasing. I miss the old me, I miss my old life. I want me back, give me strength to do what I must.
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