Gonna be dead in an hour

[instormdrains]

Soon ill sneak out of my house go to an abandoned building and jump off of it. Im so tired this time im not going to walk back home. I know im such a hypocrite but please dont kill yourself. I am so utterly disgusted by suicide and the things that make me feel this way. Ive helped so many people not go through with it but ive never been able to apply my words to myself. Im really religious if not for God I wouldn't be half the man I am. I plead that you may give him a chance. I wish I was stronger and I have delayed it so much but ill just end up back here next December so what's the point. I'm feeling so many complex emotions right now I plead that things will be better for all of us.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

I hope it goes well as you want. Jumping requires a lot of courage. You are such a brave person. Please don't be hard to yourself if things go wrong. Much love

 

[TwoQuarks]

Are you okay now?

 

[briardweller]

I have always been too afraid to do it but I almost did once downtown and once over a bridge and the cops caught me. But I was always too afraid of feeling anything even for a second. That's why I bought SN instead. I hope you are doing good wherever you are. I wish I could support people emotionally in this similar state

 

[itsgone2]

It's ok if you can't go through with this. You sound so conflicted.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Sending love, if you are still here, sending hugs too.

 

[natori]

I wish you find peace in whatever your choice may be. Farewell and Godspeed.

また会いましょう。

 

[braintorture]

Rest well. I hope you find peace in your suffering

 

[dewdfish]

I hope you found the peace you needed

 

[darksouls]

best of luck, I hope you find peace

 

[deathisapanacea]

I am so jealous of people committing CTB especially the ones that Jump. Its quick, easily accessible and extremely reliable method. God, why am I such a coward.

 

[corpse]

I hope you find peace.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I am so jealous of people committing CTB especially the ones that Jump. Its quick, easily accessible and extremely reliable method. God, why am I such a coward.

There's a 100% chance of death if I just get in the car and take a final road trip to one of the highest bridges in the country and have myself seven seconds of freefall. But I won't do it because of fear.

 

[Claymore7274]

I am so jealous of people committing CTB especially the ones that Jump. Its quick, easily accessible and extremely reliable method. God, why am I such a coward.

it may be reliable but it's still very scary to jump imo far more scary than other methods

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I cant fathom everything that must be racing through your mind right now, god and I have a difficult relationship due to the types of religious restraints and fear that it outwardly demands through others,, im so lost and I cant and or dont want to be found because that salvation i keep having shoved down my throat demands unrivaled loyalty and fear for a god who others preach about the trails god gives you, like your very own pain and trauma,, even if you try you fail through others eyes but are made to believe god will "save me" even if that means only when im dead,, I read the bible still here and there or idk the holy scriptures but I cant ever reach towards god seemingly.

What your posting here is deeply real and personal and honest and you might juts hate yourself so much but I only hope you do what "you" need for you, or for god, and in a way thatd be for you,, your method seems scary and im worried as this doesnt seem like what you truly want as much as you cant seemingly escape it, your strong for even saying what you said here,,, and what,, all I can do is,,, wish you luck, clarity, and the peace you deserve.

Whatever you do, im on your side.
And I wish you only the best.. @instormdrains

 

[instormdrains]

Someone locked the door to the building which I previously unlocked so I had to climb a bunch of walls to get in. I took too long writing my note and getting to the place. I was there for like an hour on the edge but didn't jump and it was starting to become daytime so I went home. Ill try again tmrw. If I dont jump this week my only other option will be drowning which is really lame. Going from hard method to unbelievably difficult method is stupid. My work and volunteering are calling and texting ne on some dumb shit and I haven't responded to any of them. I was doing so well in uni but everything fell apart the more depressed and suicidal I got. I whole heartedly detest all my actions. Im so deep in crisis and this burden is too much. It feels like im possessed (i mean figuratively not litterally by a demon) as I do what I hate but not what I love. Im so sleep deprived and its really messing with my head but I willingly stayed up all night. I'll try again at 3am

 

[bliss.bmp]

i hope everything goes well and you don't end up surviving with extreme injuries, that's my personal biggest fear with jumping and hanging. you're a brave soul, hope you can find your peace soon

 

[ilovenewyork]

Do you really want to make such a big decision in a sleep deprived state? Jumping and drowning aren't methods someone rational would select. Perhaps you need to rest and regroup

 

[Tautochrome]

What the person above said. Why not let yourself sleep, clear your head and attempt later in a better state of mind, when you're sure that you want to do it? It would increase the ability to assess the situation and if you remain determined, also the chance of succeeding. Also ignoring people may raise suspicions. Good luck and choose whatever you find best for yourself

 

[darksouls]

Someone locked the door to the building which I previously unlocked so I had to climb a bunch of walls to get in. I took too long writing my note and getting to the place. I was there for like an hour on the edge but didn't jump and it was starting to become daytime so I went home. Ill try again tmrw. If I dont jump this week my only other option will be drowning which is really lame. Going from hard method to unbelievably difficult method is stupid. My work and volunteering are calling and texting ne on some dumb shit and I haven't responded to any of them. I was doing so well in uni but everything fell apart the more depressed and suicidal I got. I whole heartedly detest all my actions. Im so deep in crisis and this burden is too much. It feels like im possessed (i mean figuratively not litterally by a demon) as I do what I hate but not what I love. Im so sleep deprived and its really messing with my head but I willingly stayed up all night. I'll try again at 3am

I wish you the best, I hope you find relief from suffering

 

[Unlucky777]

I'm happy to hear that you haven't jumped. I hope you are doing well and that you can give yourself another chance and take some of your own advice as you pointed out in the OP.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

Whats up, you around?

 

[instormdrains]

Whats up, you around?

Yeah Im still here I tried again but after that i took a pretty big break from ss since it wasnt really helping me. I had a note with stuff to identify me which also had my social security number and my id and important stuff. I had it held down with heavy objects but the wind was so intense it blew everything away. I was on the verge of jumping but I had to climb down the building to grab the note since I didnt want anyone but the police reading it. I somehow found it down the street but at that point I decided to just go home. Not as depressed and suicidal as before but I have no idea how I became so hysterical and hopeless. I planned to do it that day months in advance but when the time came I couldnt think straight at all. Thanks for reaching out sorry if this was worrying to read very irresponsible of me to say all this and then disappear for a couple weeks.