For people who attempted ctb outside - how did you feel?

[moonlightbeach]

For this post let's say an attempt is a deliberate action to ctb, like you went out of your way to go do it. I'm thinking forest, bridge, cliff, building, road, train tracks, anything else that comes up in mind. This is for people that attempted and failed, or their SI got in their way, or they made a different decision but anyone else is also welcome to share their observations.

What WAS it like being there, what did you feel in the moment?

In my case it was a failed attempt. I chose train as my method, researched everything about it, 6 months later went on to do it. Had to walk 30 minutes to the level crossing. Everything about the walk was incredible - world seemed dreamy, lights were were soothing, everything was so peaceful. Right before I would run to the level crossing I put my up note, started running, dropped the personal belongings and jumped, quick and easy, to my surprise I didn't feel anxious or nervous at all. I would say it was the happiest I ever felt, besides gender euphoria. Same happened on my scouting for a spot later when i figured that the spot would be so quick and easy and there was no SI or anything. I'm sure there's lots of factors to this.

 

[Crow_88]

I tried to hang myself outside. I was in a field and had the rope hanging off a tree.

 

[fromange]

I tried to hang myself outside. I was in a field and had the rope hanging off a tree.

Full suspension? Do you know why you failed? I'm thinking of this

 

[Crow_88]

Full suspension? Do you know why you failed? I'm thinking of this

Yeah, full. The chair I had used to get up to the rope hadn't been kicked away far enough. My SI took over and I reached back for it and was able to step back onto it. I wouldn't suggest it. It was pretty painful when I was just hanging there for a few seconds.

 

[fromange]

Yeah, full. The chair I had used to get up to the rope hadn't been kicked away far enough. My SI took over and I reached back for it and was able to step back onto it. I wouldn't suggest it. It was pretty painful when I was just hanging there for a few seconds.

Hm really. I was pretty convinced of fsh. What are you thinking of now?

 

[khairan]

It is my goal to try partial suspension put in the wilderness, maybe a day or two hike away to guarantee no 'good Samaritan ' encounter.

I'm also thinking to soak myself while weather is cold and drink some serious alcohol. If for whatever reason hanging fails then hypothermia and exposure should get it done.

 

[Terrible_Life]

Yeah, full. The chair I had used to get up to the rope hadn't been kicked away far enough. My SI took over and I reached back for it and was able to step back onto it. I wouldn't suggest it. It was pretty painful when I was just hanging there for a few seconds.

did it felt like as if the rope would be some sort of sharp knife which wants to cut off your head or would you say it is "bearable" pain than one can go through for 10-20 sec if someone 100% wanna die?

 

[Crow_88]

Hm really. I was pretty convinced of fsh. What are you thinking of now?

That really put me off. It just hurt so much. Honestly, I'm hoping to die in my sleep. But we all know how ridiculous that is. I wish I was in the USA so a gun was easy to get.

did it felt like as if the rope would be some sort of sharp knife which wants to cut off your head or would you say it is "bearable" pain than one can go through for 10-20 sec if someone 100% wanna die?

It will definitely kill you. It was just the feeling of being suffocated which was absolutely terrible. I went to take a breath and just couldn't. One of the most painful feelings i've ever had. I suspect people that hang themselves in full suspension go through extreme pain before dying. I know of two people who have done it and I feel for them. Their last minutes must be absolutely agonizing. The few seconds I was hanging were terrible and I still have problems swallowing.

 

[fromange]

What I'm most worried about is failing with brain damage. Unless you jump, shouldn't break my neck right? My rope is strong but a little thin and it hurt when I partial for a few seconds just now. Maybe towel for padding will help. But suffocating is inevitable. It's less than 30 seconds though. And you can't go back. It's much like pulling the trigger, except the bullet going through your head is shoe motion. Is that good analogy?