overitbro
#nature
- Sep 6, 2025
- 7
i don't really have anyone to talk to about this stuff (i wouldn't openly talk about this anyways lol), or anything in general, so i'm on here. it may seem dramatic, but i'm 19 and tired of living. i simply think that i'm not built for it, and after many years of struggling alone i'd rather end my suffering now than continue to struggle well into adulthood for nothing.
i think i've always been unstable, but everything really started crumbling my junior year of high school. i got into an extremely toxic relationship which lasted 2 years, and those were genuinely the worst 2 years of my life. i stopped showing up to school, stopped seeing the point in trying, didn't even take the SAT because i saw no point. before that i was in advanced classes and did extremely well, i played basketball, took care of my body, everything a well adjusted high school girl does.
because of this relationship boosting my depression to the max, i saw no point in applying to a 4 year college, i ended up applying to community college pursuing a major i had no interest in and dropping out. leaving myself with student loan debt at 18. finally escaped the relationship at the beginning of this year, but i wasn't in school, i couldn't hold down a job. i've been broke all this year until september. whenever i start a job i work until a random wave of depression washes over me, and i just stop showing up. i know this is a cycle because it's happened multiple times, and again recently. it's the reason i've finally decided to give up
throughout everything i've had no support system. which is insane because my immediate family consists of 10 people. all they ask me about is where and when i'm working, if i can watch my younger siblings (i was born 3rd, eldest daughter), and for clothes and money. i feel like no one cares, not even my family. i feel like i've shown up for everyone in my life more than i've ever shown up for myself. i'm tired of being mistreated, and i'm tired of trying. tired of building up something good just for it to crumble. i've deduced that i'm just not built to live in this world.
this whole post is a mess, i'm sorry for that, if anyone is even reading. i thought things were finally looking up, i thought i finally found a place where i was seen, heard, and loved. i thought i finally got into a relationship with the person i'd marry. during the summer i was happiest. i was never home, i was constantly in another state actually, where i was originally born. i thought i'd move there and finally feel the freedom and happiness i've been searching for forever.
turns out it was just summer fun, turns out the girl i thought i'd marry was second guessing her feelings for a man she constantly reassured me about. that girl shattered my trust, and any desire to be vulnerable again. i've been cheated on in every relationship i've been in and she knew that, she knew how hard it was for me to trust people, and she knew how much i've been hurt. yet she had one conversation with the guy, and then broke up with me over text the day after.
tldr; 19 and tired of being mistreated, feeling alone, and useless. planning to CTB december 7th or 8th to avoid it being around any birthdays or holidays.
i think i've always been unstable, but everything really started crumbling my junior year of high school. i got into an extremely toxic relationship which lasted 2 years, and those were genuinely the worst 2 years of my life. i stopped showing up to school, stopped seeing the point in trying, didn't even take the SAT because i saw no point. before that i was in advanced classes and did extremely well, i played basketball, took care of my body, everything a well adjusted high school girl does.
because of this relationship boosting my depression to the max, i saw no point in applying to a 4 year college, i ended up applying to community college pursuing a major i had no interest in and dropping out. leaving myself with student loan debt at 18. finally escaped the relationship at the beginning of this year, but i wasn't in school, i couldn't hold down a job. i've been broke all this year until september. whenever i start a job i work until a random wave of depression washes over me, and i just stop showing up. i know this is a cycle because it's happened multiple times, and again recently. it's the reason i've finally decided to give up
throughout everything i've had no support system. which is insane because my immediate family consists of 10 people. all they ask me about is where and when i'm working, if i can watch my younger siblings (i was born 3rd, eldest daughter), and for clothes and money. i feel like no one cares, not even my family. i feel like i've shown up for everyone in my life more than i've ever shown up for myself. i'm tired of being mistreated, and i'm tired of trying. tired of building up something good just for it to crumble. i've deduced that i'm just not built to live in this world.
this whole post is a mess, i'm sorry for that, if anyone is even reading. i thought things were finally looking up, i thought i finally found a place where i was seen, heard, and loved. i thought i finally got into a relationship with the person i'd marry. during the summer i was happiest. i was never home, i was constantly in another state actually, where i was originally born. i thought i'd move there and finally feel the freedom and happiness i've been searching for forever.
turns out it was just summer fun, turns out the girl i thought i'd marry was second guessing her feelings for a man she constantly reassured me about. that girl shattered my trust, and any desire to be vulnerable again. i've been cheated on in every relationship i've been in and she knew that, she knew how hard it was for me to trust people, and she knew how much i've been hurt. yet she had one conversation with the guy, and then broke up with me over text the day after.
tldr; 19 and tired of being mistreated, feeling alone, and useless. planning to CTB december 7th or 8th to avoid it being around any birthdays or holidays.
