Feeling pathetic

[Nina1]

I am so lucky to have a bridge near my home. Guaranteed death. All I have to do is jump. I've failed to do so 3 times. It's like there is a wall stopping me. Survival instinct is no joke. I'm ready to go I've made peace with death and have a great reason. I wish I weren't such a coward. I have to do this

 

[someonelse]

I'm sorry to hear you're in so much pain. The survival instinct is definitely real. I'm trying to work up the nerve to take the SN I have. You're not a coward. It's the biggest decision you'll ever make. I hope you find peace.

 

[Nina1]

Thank you! I'm terrified to do SN. That's why I chose the bridge method. I hope you find peace too in whatever you chose to do

 

[FuneralCry]

Personally, I think jumping is a method I would never get the courage to do. I am scared of heights. Of course you are not a coward. Ctb is so difficult, I have never wanted to be alive but yet I am still here. I can imagine it must be a relief to have made peace with death. I wish you the best.

 

[Nina1]

Thank you! You're so kind. I think I'm so hard on myself because it's not just me that is suffering. I am burdening my family. I feel the need to do this for them and so I keep beating myself up about it. Sending love

 

[jimmy7754]

It's so hard for me to picture jumping. I am hoping N is as peaceful as it sounds.

 

[rudebeat]

How high is the bridge you're jumping from? Also are you landing on water or land? I know you may have already considered these things but the fact that you said, "Guaranteed death" has me concerned. Death is rarely guaranteed from jumping. Looking back at an old suicide website I used to look at when I was planning on jumping, lostallhope.com says you need to be 150 feet above land or 250 feet above water to have a death rate of between 95-98%. If you're jumping over water some of those deaths included in the statistics are from people getting injured then drowning. Landing on a car could cushion your fall.

You sound like you could access sn, so unless you have access to a bridge that's significantly higher than 150 feet over land, I would strongly recommend using that method for your own physical wellbeing in spite of your fear.

 

[Nina1]

The reason for my choosing is because of my fear of failure. I'm sure with enough preparation N is truly the best choice. I am a bit paranoid ha

How high is the bridge you're jumping from? Also are you landing on water or land? I know you may have already considered these things but the fact that you said, "Guaranteed death" has me concerned. Death is rarely guaranteed from jumping. Looking back at an old suicide website I used to look at when I was planning on jumping, lostallhope.com says you need to be 150 feet above land or 250 feet above water to have a death rate of between 95-98%. If you're jumping over water some of those deaths included in the statistics are from people getting injured then drowning. Landing on a car could cushion your fall.

You sound like you could access sn, so unless you have access to a bridge that's significantly higher than 150 feet over land, I would strongly recommend using that method for your own physical wellbeing in spite of your fear.

Thank you for the info. I have visited that site recently because my biggest fear is failing. It is above 150 onto concrete. The car thing is def an issue though and why I kept feeling so anxious. The last thing I want to do is cause an accident. So I went at night, but was stopped by an officer because they patrol there often. So I have to chose a day and time with low traffic. Maybe then I will not be too anxious.