lilypeaches
Member
- Apr 26, 2026
- 8
I've been feeling so lost and behind recently. Everyone around me is making progress in their life whether it's a new job, new car/license, doing well in school and I'm just stuck in the same spot I've been at for years. I know comparing yourself to others isn't the best and that everyone goes at their own pace, but I can't stop feeling like a bum.
I took a gap year and then did online classes because I don't drive, but I'm a chronic procrastinator and after fall break I had lost all motivation which resulted in academic probation. I just can't let go of the past. The past where I was top of my class. The past where I wasn't depressed. The past where I had motivation. I feel as if I can't speak to anyone about it irl and just avoid the topic of academics because of how well I did in the past and I'm embarrassed to admit I'm struggling to keep up. I decided to take another gap year, but it's also making me feel like I'm falling further behind and I can't keep making excuses to my parents.
The store I work at hasn't been getting a lot of sales recently even on weekends. I like the slow days, but the hours aren't the best, nor are they consistent. The pay is decent considering I don't have any bills at least until I go back to school. It's close enough to me where I can just walk or take public transportation, but the lack of driving limits how far I can go in search of another job and I don't want to spend close to an hour on the bus each day. I had someone offer to teach me, but they've been really busy. Most of the stores near me have credit cards, so I know they'll base their hours on credit card sign ups and I'm not putting myself through that or fast food. I don't necessarily hate my job, but seeing all my coworkers that got hired at the same time as me get better jobs is making me feel jealous. Especially because they're my age or younger. With them leaving I am getting more hours, which I'm grateful for, but I still can't help but feel jealous and behind. My other coworkers my age have 2nd jobs aswell. The only ones at my job that don't drive are me and 2 of the minors.
I didn't learn to drive as a teen because I was scared to be on the road. I don't even have my permit. You could do everything right, but someone else's carelessness could ruin your life. Now that I'm in my early 20s I want to drive, but at the same time not really. I want to be able to get another job and not have to solely rely on others for transportation, but I'm still scared. I'm also embarrassed to tell my parents after years of refusing. Not to mention that both of their cars are faulty. I don't really know much about cars, but one of them needs some work and could only run for short distances and just sits in the driveway basically all the time. The other will sometimes smell like gasoline and won't want to go foward, so my parents will pull over and turn it off and on again. The last time we went out my mom was trying to scoot foward into the driveway and the car didn't want to scoot foward and would only go if it was at a higher speed. Even if I were to tell my parents I changed my mind after years of refusing, I don't want to drive cars that give out that quickly and are risky to drive.
I know my rant has a lot of "but's" and I jump between thoughts. I just needed to get that out there to clear my head since I'm too embarrassed to say anything. This is the only place I feel like I could say anything and won't be judged.
I took a gap year and then did online classes because I don't drive, but I'm a chronic procrastinator and after fall break I had lost all motivation which resulted in academic probation. I just can't let go of the past. The past where I was top of my class. The past where I wasn't depressed. The past where I had motivation. I feel as if I can't speak to anyone about it irl and just avoid the topic of academics because of how well I did in the past and I'm embarrassed to admit I'm struggling to keep up. I decided to take another gap year, but it's also making me feel like I'm falling further behind and I can't keep making excuses to my parents.
The store I work at hasn't been getting a lot of sales recently even on weekends. I like the slow days, but the hours aren't the best, nor are they consistent. The pay is decent considering I don't have any bills at least until I go back to school. It's close enough to me where I can just walk or take public transportation, but the lack of driving limits how far I can go in search of another job and I don't want to spend close to an hour on the bus each day. I had someone offer to teach me, but they've been really busy. Most of the stores near me have credit cards, so I know they'll base their hours on credit card sign ups and I'm not putting myself through that or fast food. I don't necessarily hate my job, but seeing all my coworkers that got hired at the same time as me get better jobs is making me feel jealous. Especially because they're my age or younger. With them leaving I am getting more hours, which I'm grateful for, but I still can't help but feel jealous and behind. My other coworkers my age have 2nd jobs aswell. The only ones at my job that don't drive are me and 2 of the minors.
I didn't learn to drive as a teen because I was scared to be on the road. I don't even have my permit. You could do everything right, but someone else's carelessness could ruin your life. Now that I'm in my early 20s I want to drive, but at the same time not really. I want to be able to get another job and not have to solely rely on others for transportation, but I'm still scared. I'm also embarrassed to tell my parents after years of refusing. Not to mention that both of their cars are faulty. I don't really know much about cars, but one of them needs some work and could only run for short distances and just sits in the driveway basically all the time. The other will sometimes smell like gasoline and won't want to go foward, so my parents will pull over and turn it off and on again. The last time we went out my mom was trying to scoot foward into the driveway and the car didn't want to scoot foward and would only go if it was at a higher speed. Even if I were to tell my parents I changed my mind after years of refusing, I don't want to drive cars that give out that quickly and are risky to drive.
I know my rant has a lot of "but's" and I jump between thoughts. I just needed to get that out there to clear my head since I'm too embarrassed to say anything. This is the only place I feel like I could say anything and won't be judged.
