Busridin'26
Hating every minute of being alive.
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,944
I really am a sensitive ass sap but I HATEEEEEE when I open up to people about the suicidality and the week later they ask some shit like "do you still wanna die" or some ignorant ass shit like that.
It's ignorant when I take the time to explain the depth and longevity and reason behind these feelings.
I feel stupid bc it's probably better if she doesn't' know but yesterday the director was pretty much asking my motive behind my move. She pussyfooted around the words suicide soo I didn't get what she meant.
She asked if my reasons to move are motivates by just independence or "other" reasons.
I didn't know what she meant so just answered that moving on my own has been my dream for a long time and the city is my dream as well.
Yeah, so long story short I just felt invalidated/tricked into an answer.
While I'm here like I don't have the fuckin energy more to hide how I feel about life. I hate when people ask questions like that almost expecting some kinda life filled answer
I corrected her later. I feel so dumb and kinda hypocritical but in my life keep my feelings a secret(unless impulsive) like I'm not gonna pretend that suicidality just goes away.
One thing I refuse is to pretend about this move. I HAVE ENDURED SOOO MUCH HORRIBLE FUCKING THINGS JUST TO BE ALONE AND DIE ALONE.
I'm not letting anyone shrink that.
So I feel dumb for correcting her when I guess I feel like I should live like I have a dirty secret but... I don't have to anymore. I refuse to ever again.
It's ignorant when I take the time to explain the depth and longevity and reason behind these feelings.
I feel stupid bc it's probably better if she doesn't' know but yesterday the director was pretty much asking my motive behind my move. She pussyfooted around the words suicide soo I didn't get what she meant.
She asked if my reasons to move are motivates by just independence or "other" reasons.
I didn't know what she meant so just answered that moving on my own has been my dream for a long time and the city is my dream as well.
Yeah, so long story short I just felt invalidated/tricked into an answer.
While I'm here like I don't have the fuckin energy more to hide how I feel about life. I hate when people ask questions like that almost expecting some kinda life filled answer
I corrected her later. I feel so dumb and kinda hypocritical but in my life keep my feelings a secret(unless impulsive) like I'm not gonna pretend that suicidality just goes away.
One thing I refuse is to pretend about this move. I HAVE ENDURED SOOO MUCH HORRIBLE FUCKING THINGS JUST TO BE ALONE AND DIE ALONE.
I'm not letting anyone shrink that.
So I feel dumb for correcting her when I guess I feel like I should live like I have a dirty secret but... I don't have to anymore. I refuse to ever again.
