Falling Apart

[StarryStarry]

I'm sitting on my couch frozen - I can't move forward or backward. I wish I hadn't woken up this morning. Why do I think anything will change for me? Nothing will. I should have stuck with my plan to ctb. But that damn feeling of maybe there is something out there for me - maybe. So here I sit I have to move on Monday, I'm not packed. I have to give everything away that I own. All the memories, all the laughter and sadness wiped clean. So I'll leave for a job - that's the good news - been unemployed for five months - asshole attorney denied me unemployment (he lied). Have no more money, haven't eaten in a few days (it's okay Sweet Pea has food). I'm so sad, so overwhelmed. No one to help, to talk to me, to encourage me. Not to late to ctb, but I just can't leave Sweet Pea, I love her so much. Tired of crying, tired of the dark sadness. So tired just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand that it is hard to carry on when you are tired of everything. Living is very painful. I also just want to sleep forever. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best.

 

[Chiisai]

I feel you. Im in a similar state too. I want to CTB so much but I cant fathom leaving my family with nothing, much more spending on my services after I ctb.

 

[_Seeking]

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know what it's like when everything is going badly, but your brain for some reason thinks there is hope somehow that things could get better, even though they never do.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Can you go anywhere and get some food? It is much harder to cope when you are hungry.

I am so sorry, StarryStarry, that you are feeling this way.
(((HUGS)))

 

[forgotten15]

I am so sorry you are going through this, i wish I could say something more to ease your pain but i am as empty and depressed as you. I understand so well the feeling of hoping something will change and maybe one day things will be better, it breaks my heart everytime i realise it won't. I do hope your new job will be good, i wish you all the best. I would hug you if you were here

 

[Julgran]

I'm sitting on my couch frozen - I can't move forward or backward. I wish I hadn't woken up this morning. Why do I think anything will change for me? Nothing will. I should have stuck with my plan to ctb. But that damn feeling of maybe there is something out there for me - maybe. So here I sit I have to move on Monday, I'm not packed. I have to give everything away that I own. All the memories, all the laughter and sadness wiped clean. So I'll leave for a job - that's the good news - been unemployed for five months - asshole attorney denied me unemployment (he lied). Have no more money, haven't eaten in a few days (it's okay Sweet Pea has food). I'm so sad, so overwhelmed. No one to help, to talk to me, to encourage me. Not to late to ctb, but I just can't leave Sweet Pea, I love her so much. Tired of crying, tired of the dark sadness. So tired just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

You aren't going unnoticed here, and I can only say that your situation is regretful. Do you see your life gradually improvning after starting that new job?

Whoever Sweet Pea is, you could let them guide your decision. If it's a dog - and if it dies - you can see that as your opportunity to reassess your life.