19M sorry for my terrible spelling and im new to thread type forums.
I attempted suicide via shotgun under the chin on December 4th(evidence above or below idk how to use forums sorry), I failed due to lack of research and inexperience in handling weapons, and to be honest just complete luck. Afterall Its really hard to fuck up a point blank gunshot blast but I managed to do it. Everyone tells me this was a miracle from God, but its just reinforced my depression, especially regarding my inability to succeed at anything no matter how easy including dying from a gunblast. But after 6 months of hospital recovery including 7+ surgeries and a month in the psychward. I have finally have been given the opportunity to end it once and for all. Due to the complete obliteration of my jaw i've lost half of my tongue and complete loss of my teeth due to the blast. But now I have a feeding tube that has been inserted into me, so the way i eat and drink is through a large bag that I connect to my tube which goes directly into my stomach, so there is no taste. I've decided that now i can essentially put in any liquid(i also have a pill crusher thats how i take in liquid medication) so i can also add that. I am currently thinking of putting in gallons of absolute ethanol mixed with crushed up sodium nitrite into one combination and while im slowly poisonings myself to death ill just watch some of my favorite YouTube videos before i go out. But really what im asking is if theres any better combinations of liquids or chemicals that i can legally get a hold of that might be quicker than alcohol and salt poisoning. I don't care about how painful it is, after all, the last thought i had before i passed out after my initial suicide attempt was that i deserved to die much more painfully than this. Thank you for reading
I attempted suicide via shotgun under the chin on December 4th(evidence above or below idk how to use forums sorry), I failed due to lack of research and inexperience in handling weapons, and to be honest just complete luck. Afterall Its really hard to fuck up a point blank gunshot blast but I managed to do it. Everyone tells me this was a miracle from God, but its just reinforced my depression, especially regarding my inability to succeed at anything no matter how easy including dying from a gunblast. But after 6 months of hospital recovery including 7+ surgeries and a month in the psychward. I have finally have been given the opportunity to end it once and for all. Due to the complete obliteration of my jaw i've lost half of my tongue and complete loss of my teeth due to the blast. But now I have a feeding tube that has been inserted into me, so the way i eat and drink is through a large bag that I connect to my tube which goes directly into my stomach, so there is no taste. I've decided that now i can essentially put in any liquid(i also have a pill crusher thats how i take in liquid medication) so i can also add that. I am currently thinking of putting in gallons of absolute ethanol mixed with crushed up sodium nitrite into one combination and while im slowly poisonings myself to death ill just watch some of my favorite YouTube videos before i go out. But really what im asking is if theres any better combinations of liquids or chemicals that i can legally get a hold of that might be quicker than alcohol and salt poisoning. I don't care about how painful it is, after all, the last thought i had before i passed out after my initial suicide attempt was that i deserved to die much more painfully than this. Thank you for reading
