Failed because of SI

[LivvenDe]

For those who failed to ctb because of SI, what did you feel exactly that made you stop?

Specially for hanging, what made you not go through?

 

[Chiisai]

Heyyy, its usually the pain for me like for this instance of CTB, the feeling of your face about to burst from constricted blood flow same as with other attempts. As for thoughts pre-CTB or when SI kicks in, its the uncertainty of what will happen next like "What if it will fail and lead to permanent damage?", "What if my family gets hurt more than I realize", and "Be patient. What if better things happens tomorrow?" etc.

 

[toforigivelife]

I'm sorry your attempt failed and I'm sorry that you are in such a painful place that you wanted to hang yourself in order to end your suffering. I really am sorry.

And I'm also sorry to go off topic, but what does SI stand for and how did it interfere with your attempt?

 

[LivvenDe]

Heyyy, its usually the pain for me like for this instance of CTB, the feeling of your face about to burst from constricted blood flow same as with other attempts. As for thoughts pre-CTB or when SI kicks in, its the uncertainty of what will happen next like "What if it will fail and lead to permanent damage?", "What if my family gets hurt more than I realize", and "Be patient. What if better things happens tomorrow?" etc.

I once tried to pass out by pressing my neck with my thumbs and didn't get to do it because it felt like my eyes would pop out :o

 

[grungeCat]

Mainly fright. It happened when I tried to jump off a building. When I knew I was gonna die in a moment all my thinking process and body movements were paralyzed by fear. I didn't think about anything, just stood at the edge of a roof like an idiot and looked on the ground. It felt like signals from my brains weren't able to arrive to my muscles. Couldn't even move my arm towards the abyss. I was standing there so long that eventually I gained police & firefighters' attention. I ran away before they had managed to start 'rescue action'.

 

[OrcWitch]

When I was doing partial suspension, I had what I think was an adrenaline rush as my vision began to close in and narrow. In like an instant my brain had this overwhelming desire to live, with these racing thoughts of wanting to sit in the dark watching anime or eating yummy food. The apartment was a cool temperature but my armpits and collar of my shirt were soaked with sweat. In less than an hour I was very upset at myself for backing out.

 

[Chiisai]

I once tried to pass out by pressing my neck with my thumbs and didn't get to do it because it felt like my eyes would pop out :o

I feel you. I also tried that and went limp then my heart would pump harder it was weirdly painful and then my body would just rattle on its own.